A Match Into Water
by Mtzeala
Summary: I don't remember having breathing problems in my previous life, but at least in this time period I wasn't expected to become a shinobi. I wasn't born into a cursed family either, but that doesn't mean my life would ever be easy. Self-insert. Warring States Era. Semi AU!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This is my first attempt in a REALLY long time at publishing an actual story here. And at a Naruto-themed one as well, so forgive me if it's not the best. I've read a lot of self-inserts and I'm going to try really really hard to make this one as original as I can. Constructive criticism is always welcome. :-)

Let me know if this is worth continuing, please and thank you!

* * *

**A Match Into Water / 1**

.

It started with fire.

That first breath as I came out of the womb wasn't exactly the easiest. It wasn't even air, it was black smoke— I can only imagine how pathetic I must have looked to whoever the hell it was trying to save me. Premature, gasping for air that wouldn't come, coughing up what felt like a lung three times my size. I didn't stand a chance. But those people were still there, speaking in hushed voices I was surprised I could hear over the fire roaring all around them.

Everything was burning, shouldn't they be trying to save themselves?

I would have raised an eyebrow at my own thoughts if I wasn't choking to death. Yeah, that doesn't sound like anything that should be crossing the mind of a newborn baby.

My feelings of helplessness were then replaced by panic. I was dying. Suffocating. And if I didn't choke to death I would probably burn to death. The man who was holding me now cradled me close, and put his hands over my _too _small torso and an odd warmth came over me, slowly easing the stabbing pain in my lungs. By this point I was probably turning blue.

The man who held me was talking fast and desperately to who I could only assume was my mother. I didn't understand either of them, but it sounded like Japanese. And then I wondered how I could put a name to something I didn't understand. How did I even know the word Japanese?

The smoke was so thick it burned my skin, and I didn't dare open my eyes. I was so busy trying to breathe that I hardly felt the wet droplets of _something _hit me as the man stood up, backing away from the woman who birthed me slowly before he started running— and he was _fast._ I don't know how long he ran, or how far, but by the time he slowed down the fire was gone and I finally managed to suck in r_eal _air, and it was so shocking that I screamed and the man jolted to a halt.

He held me out a ways away from him and stared at me like I had grown a second head. The awful polluted air was gone but it clung to my skin and it burned, so I cried and I cried and by the sounds he started making I realized that the man was crying too. All I had been doing was coughing and gasping for air since I was born and this was the first time he's heard me cry. Was he my father? Did he leave my mother to die, knowing she'd never be able to make it out so soon after giving birth? What had even happened?

It was then that I finally opened my eyes, wondering if the fire was gone. Maybe I hadn't seen it, but the feeling of suffocating was still so fresh in my mind that it almost felt like I still couldn't breathe, even though I knew that the fire was long gone. Seeing for the first time wasn't that great, and my vision was blurry and awful, but the surrounding darkness was a relief compared to what I knew I would've seen before. I calmed down considerably and looked up at the man holding me close.

He had dark brown hair, and eyes as black as night. I suppose it was safe to assume he was my father, considering he would cry at the mere sight of me. He smiled when I caught his eye.

"_Nuka." _He said first— somewhat emphasized so I figured it was my name, following up with a string of words I couldn't understand if I tried. I just stared at him as he spoke, taking comfort in his voice and the adoring smile that had yet to leave his face.

He was smiling, I could breathe, and I felt happy.

* * *

Travelling with this man (still assuming he was dear old dad) for who knows how long made me realize a few things that anyone would consider at least mildly important.

1) I was a baby. Obviously. But that wasn't even the worst part.

2) I felt way too aware of things for the fact that I was a baby to truly hit home. The man, the man's heartbeat, the sounds, the surroundings—my vision still sucked, but I knew I was in a forest, I knew we were running from something, and I knew my mother had probably burned to death.

The tears then came like a waterfall and I felt a grief so intense I started bawling on the spot, startling my father. He wiped my tears away and shushed me in an almost panicked manner. Oh, we were probably being chased. Judging by how fast he's been moving, and what had happened. I quieted my sobs as much as I could, earning a sigh of relief from him. My face was still wet with tears that kept coming and I didn't understand why I was so upset. My mother died, yes—but I had never even gotten to look at her. She never got to hold me.

I was born, father took me away, and she died. That was it.

But why? Why did it happen like that? Why wasn't I born in a hospital, safe and away from the smoke and the fire, with the little bracelet that made a noise whenever I was reunited with my mother? Everything that seemed normal wasn't there and I didn't know how to make sense of my situation. I may have been unnaturally aware, but to an extent I wished I wasn't. I didn't understand anything, but I was determined to stay awake until I did.

3) In regards to my oddly acute sense of awareness; my father was tree jumping.

My brain felt like one big question mark.

He wore some sort of armor as well—which I immediately considered weird, despite the fact that I knew I should really have no concept of what is and isn't weird. There was a symbol on his collar as well that I squinted to see, but my eyes were still too underdeveloped to make out what it was. Which was frustrating.

After what felt like many long, boring hours, father stopped abruptly back on the ground. I heard the voices of two other men and I think I gasped. Baby noises pretty much sounded all the same even to me. I huddled closer into my father and kept my eyes shut tight in fear of the unknown. They still spoke that stupid language I couldn't understand, nor could I see them clearly so I thought it was best to try not attracting their attention.

Which obviously didn't work. But at least I tried. He started following them, finally walking like a normal person so I determined that they were not hostile. I opened my eyes again to get a pathetically blurry look at them. One light haired, one dark haired; both in armor similar to my fathers'. Maybe I went back in time and was born in the middle ages. No, that was stupid.

They led us through an impressive wooden gate hidden by an extremely thick layer of trees and foliage, where beyond it lied what looked like a small community. I didn't really know what else to call it—it was a bit too small to be an entire village, but there were houses and people walking around like a tiny, close knit town that for some reason gave me an odd sense of familiarity. The walls and all the trees surrounding it made me feel safe, and although it seemed to block out a lot of natural light there were spots between the leaves where the sun was beginning to peek through. We had been travelling most of the night, so I imagined it was early morning by now.

The only light I had really seen before now was the fire. I blamed my condition as a newborn for my lack of emotional stability as I started crying again at the memory. My sobs were still fairly quiet, but the light shining through the leaves made it easier to see my father's face as he gazed down at me lovingly.

I stared back up at him and forgot about the fire. He loved me, and for some reason that was all I felt I needed in that moment. Yeah, there were plenty of other things to think about that were undoubtedly more important—but I couldn't bring myself to think about anything else. Once again, I blame being a newborn.

My vision kept focusing and un-focusing as I did nothing but stare at him, listening to him talk in that language I knew I somehow recognized. It was almost startling how I picked up on certain words that seemed more familiar than others. He said my name a lot, and a word I remembered meant sister. Or was it brother? I couldn't be sure. Japanese wasn't really a language I knew terribly well.

There was that word again. _Japanese. _How did I even know the word, much less what it meant?

It felt like I knew the answer, but it was like a memory that was on the tip of my tongue but no matter what it just wouldn't come. Might as well blame that on being a newborn too.

I yawned, realizing how tired I was from forcing myself to stay awake all night but then remembered the word my father had said. It probably means I have a sibling. I was admittedly curious to find out, but I ended up curling closer to my father unable to keep my eyes from drooping shut. Forgetting my curiosity, I started drifting off into what I was hoping would've been a few days' worth of sleep.

…

Unfortunately, that didn't happen. I was asleep for a good ten minutes tops.

_"__Papa!" _a high pitched voice rang out, shocking me out of my peaceful slumber. The new voice was definitely the loudest thing I've heard in this existence yet, other than the sound of the fire, of course— and in my frustration I let out a single wail as loud as I could muster to voice my disdain. Father jumped, openly alarmed but the newcomer was undeterred. Opening my eyes and taking a gander at the new voice, I saw a little girl who looked like she was trying to climb up my father's pant leg as she continued speaking the language too fast and much too loud for my liking.

He bent down on his knee to lower himself to her level and she finally shut up, staring at me intently. Now that she was quiet and I could see her at a better angle, she was actually pretty adorable. She looked to be maybe three years old, judging by the rate she could talk, with dark brown hair and eyes as equally dark as father's eyes. They looked nearly identical, I decided.

_But her voice, her voice! _I cringed as she reached for me, and I cursed being unable to understand what she was saying. She was young enough that she probably wasn't saying anything of real value, but it just made it painfully obvious that talking louder didn't make it any easier to understand.

Father finally handed me over to her and I gave him a look that said '_why did you do that' _although it probably just looked like my regular face to him, I figured since he just smiled as if saying _'good luck'. _I felt ridiculously torn as I looked at her. She looked so much like father, and I loved him, so I wanted to love her too. But was it really that easy? She was so painfully loud. I looked for the microphone that I forced myself to believe she was hiding somewhere on her person. Let's just say it's not her fault.

* * *

The three year old sat outside a house by herself, hugging her knees to her chest as she tried to keep from dozing off. The bags under her eyes made it clear she had been up all night.

"Papa…" she mumbled, her eyes half open imagining her father walking towards her like she'd been hoping for all night. He'd come home, and her mother would be with him— her beautiful blonde hair glowing in the morning light with her new baby sister in her arms. They'd all be back, they would all be together and happy again like they were supposed to be.

But then the light started to fade away, and with it her mother and her new sister. She hugged her knees together tighter. Father was still on his way back, but his smile was gone and he was bloodied and bruised all over, his eyes looking empty and hollow. And the closer he got, the more he faded away as well.

She ended up gripping her legs so hard she jumped awake. It was the same dream for the past few hours now. But then a spot of brown hair caught her eye and her head jerked up, attentive and alert as if she hadn't just fallen asleep with her eyes open.

_It was him. _The light in her eyes was more hopeful by the second before she realized—

Mom was gone.

Her smile abruptly faded. But she looked at her father closer, and he wasn't beaten or bloody or even _sad. _Mother wasn't there for the light to shine off of her hair, but instead it was his eyes that gleamed and she finally saw the bundle in his arms. She got up so fast she nearly fell over herself.

_"__Papa!" _she called out at the top of her lungs, making sure this time it wasn't a dream, and it wasn't. She heard it—her baby sister had responded with a shriek of her own that made the three year old feel a surge of relief and happiness that pushed her to run to them faster. Colliding with her fathers' legs, she couldn't believe they were finally home.

"You're back! Did you get hurt? Is Nuka-chan okay? Are you okay? Can I hold her please papa?" she spouted off every question that came to mind, trying to fit it all in one breath. Father laughed and put a hand on her head.

"We're fine, everything's fine." He answered, happy but with less enthusiasm than his first born. As he knelt down to her level she finally got to look at the new sister she had been hoping for.

"Nuka-chan." She smiled and took her carefully from him and held her the way he told her to. The grin felt like it was truly glued to her face, and she was momentarily speechless before the words came back in a flood.

"She's so beautiful! She keeps looking at me, does that mean she likes me? Her eyes are just like mom's, and Miyako-obachan's and Tobi-kun's! But I like them on Nuka-chan better!"

He chuckled at his eldest daughter's antics. She never really seemed to need an answer, and she was happy without one as she looked at Nuka with eyes that guaranteed they would be the best of friends as they grew up.

His smile faded a miniscule amount as he eyed the bags under her eyes. She'd obviously been waiting all night for them—all of them. He felt a pang of guilt at his failure to save his own wife, but he knew that if either of them had a chance to survive, it had been their daughter. And it was what she wanted.

Their old compound had been burnt down to ashes. Completely decimated. It was a miracle any of them had made it out; he convinced himself that he should be proud he managed to save as much of his family as he did. He could've left his eldest daughter all alone.

Although it was true she had an aunt and uncle to take care of her should she be orphaned— a more than capable family, the latter being the clan head with two boys of his own— he still would've died ashamed of leaving her. Her mother couldn't have gone into labor at a worse time, really. But that wasn't anyone's fault.

"Nuka-chan, look." He watched his eldest daughter talk to her as if she was really listening. Then looking at his youngest, he suppressed a light shiver when he noticed the acute intensity in her eyes.

Maybe she really was listening. Either way, he thought it mildly strange but decided he was only imagining it. He was dead tired.

"Nuka." She pointed at her baby sister, and then pointed at herself. "Tōka."

She repeated the sequence a few times, switching_ Tōka_ with _onee-chan_ until Nuka's hand reached up to grab the finger she'd been using to point, making the ever so proud grin on her sister's face even bigger.

No, he decided. She was as normal as can be, and the awareness he thought he saw in her eyes was gone.

"Tōka-chan, why don't you take her home? I have to go visit your uncle. I won't be long. Do you think you can do that for me? Nuka-chan looks very tired." He observed. Tōka nodded enthusiastically, her eyes widening at the opportunity to impress her father.

"Yeah!" she exclaimed and her father put a finger to his lips, motioning to the baby in her arms. She was asleep.

"I mean, yeah." She corrected in a whisper, eventually turning tail and walking carefully back to their home. He noticed the way she looked back and forth from her sister to the ground, making sure there wasn't anything around to make her trip and drop her. Too careful, just like a new parent.

A smile tugged at his lips at the rather sweet sight before fading as he started walking back into reality. He could sense that the clan head was back, and he made a bee-line to where he knew he'd be. It wasn't as if he dreaded the company of his brother-in law—more so he dreaded what the inevitable topic of conversation would be. He knocked on the door twice and the door opened sooner than he expected, but he saw no one.

"Uh…" he looked down. "Oh. Hello." A boy Tōka's age was staring up at him with big, dark eyes. Only having met him a few times in the past, he wasn't sure the boy would remember him or not. It was probably his wife he'd have been familiar with.

"Hashirama-kun, is your father home?" he asked forcing a smile. The innocent curiosity never left the boys' eyes, and to an extant made him uncomfortable. Did he realize he was here with bad news?

"Yeah!" he eventually replied, turning to go find the man in question. But he didn't have to go very far, as the man walked into the room only a second later. Still clad in red armor and white headband bearing the mark of his clan, he gave a stern look in greeting before shooing his eldest son away.

"Atsura." He greeted, and led him into another room where the two sat down at the short tea table. It was obvious that he sensed the ominous mood he carried, and he chose to ask his questions carefully.

"It's good to see you made it back. The old compound has been burnt to the ground by the Uchiha; I expected you and your family would have gone down with it. I saw your daughter return alone late last night as well." He relayed his end of the situation to Atsura, whose eyes were still downcast as he collected himself to respond. The way he'd worded his statement would typically be construed as he had no faith in him, but Atsura knew it was his way of saying he had been _worried. _

"Butsuma-sama," he began. His brother stiffened at the honorific—not a norm between the two of them.

"My wife went into labor at the tail end of the attack. I…had to leave her."

Butsuma closed his eyes, not looking terribly surprised but mourning his loss all the same.

To clarify, it was their wives that were born sisters; Butsuma was not a sentimental man by any means, but knowing the death of her sister would undoubtedly damage his own wife, he allowed himself to feel what he thought he should feel for only a moment.

"The child as well?" he questioned. Atsura shook his head.

"No. I managed to save her, but…she was born near the tail end of the attack, and the air was so polluted that I fear for her health. I did what I could, but I was afraid my chakra would've been too much for her." He explained. Butsuma nodded in understanding, arms crossed.

"There are medics waiting for the others to return. If she seems unhealthy, take her to them. You look like you might need rest as well. I will tell Miyako what has happened." Atsura nodded before his eyes fell back down, staring at the empty table with a defeated look. Normally he knew better than to show this kind of vulnerability in his brothers' presence as it was heavily looked down upon, but he couldn't bring himself to really care. Let him be disappointed.

"…yes, Butsuma-sama." He stood up. Butsuma followed suit a moment later, but didn't follow him out. It was his voice that stopped him in the doorway.

"Atsura." He turned his head. "You are still my brother. And remember, there are no wounds the Senju cannot heal."

A ghost of a smile tugged at his lips. He forgot there was a heart somewhere in that man at times.

"Thank you." He replied with a nod. Turning once again, he walked himself through the room he first entered. The edges of his mouth twitched into a small smirk seeing Hashirama out of his peripheral vision, peeking at him around the corner.

_Hashirama…you remind me of my Tōka. _

Maybe he could come visit his brother more often. He'd bring his daughters along, too. Nuka was too young to play with them, but time goes by fast. Atsura then caught another set of eyes and a flash of white hair poke out just underneath Hashirama's. He chuckled.

_Tōka was right. It looks like his eyes are the same after all. _

He let himself out, eager to get back to his own family.

* * *

I wasn't sure how long I'd slept. Not that it really mattered; being a baby, I should fly through life easily for a few months just performing my bodily functions. Oh, and waking up coughing until I was blue in the face.

I felt _really _bad for that, looking back on it. My sister's first night taking care of me alone—I'm sound asleep in a makeshift-futon next to her and I suddenly start gasping for breath like a gaping fish.

Tōka's eyes snapped open so quickly I doubted she was really even asleep in the first place. She pulled the blanket off of me, as if looking for something that was choking me but she found nothing. I wasn't aware of much at this point besides my desperate attempts to breathe, but I knew she was panicking.

I had a dream of the fire again, and in the dream I was suffocating. But it wasn't the same fire as the one I felt the night I was born. It was a building on fire, and I was trapped inside. Or was I?

I was huddled in a corner of the room, and this time I actually _saw _the fire, and I saw the air black with the smoke that burned my lungs and my skin and my _eyes. _But the fire never touched me. I coughed once, and I died.

That was when I woke up and kept going. The coughing was violent and my lungs were on fire. Tōka went to pick me up—hesitantly, as if she was afraid she would break me— and held me upright. It was a little less painful that way, and looking at her made me realize that there was no fire and it was only a dream. But my body couldn't seem to understand that the way my mind did, and she hurried out of her room with me to hopefully find father so he could make it stop. I was starting to see black spots.

"Papa help!" he walked in the door just before she could leave. Alarmed, he took me away put his hand on my chest and the wave of happiness and life came over me again, like it did the night I was born. It was as if I could feel the smoke leaving my lungs, even though I knew it wasn't actually there. I started breathing normally again, finally calming down. Tōka was clutching my blanket tightly to her chest in front of her and she cried silently. I zoned out, focusing on breathing again as they engaged in another conversation I couldn't understand.

"I'm sorry papa I didn't know what to do. She was just sleeping and she started coughing out of nowhere and it kept getting worse and I was going to go get you and—"

"It's not your fault. Don't be upset. Do you remember what happened at the old compound?" he asked as patient as ever.

"Um, y-yeah. The Uchiha attacked us and everything caught on fire. Mom didn't feel good so you told me to run away." She relayed in a shaky voice. Father nodded and I was reeling. I started coughing again at the shock that was settling in fast, startling both of them before father moved to heal me again.

The word _Uchiha _rang such a massive bell in my head that I nearly blanked out for the rest of their conversation. I wasn't really listening in the first place anyway considering I couldn't speak their language, but I definitely understood _that _word.

"Nuka was born right in the middle of all of that. It's hard to breathe in the smoke, and her lungs were too little to handle it. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't feel bad." He consoled, putting a hand on her head. Tōka wiped her tears away frantically.

"Oh." She sniffed. "Is that gonna happen a lot then?"

"It depends. I'm going to take her to the medics and they'll do what they can to help her get better. Okay? You stay here and get some sleep. I know you stayed up all night." He chided. She stood up and it looked like she was going to argue and be loud, but then she stopped herself and rubbed her eyes.

"Okay I guess." She moped. He put a hand on her head and ruffled her bed hair.

"Good girl. We'll be back when you wake up." She ran to her room and he stood up with me. He let out a big sigh.

"You scared me little girl." He mumbled to me quietly. I started crying because of the throbbing in my head. _Uchiha _rang through my head like water rippling in a pond, but it was painful and I wanted it to stop. I know I knew what it meant, but it hurt too much to think about. Another memory that was just out of my reach.

All I knew was that they were dangerous, they tried to kill my new family, and I should be afraid—but I was safe with father now, so I wasn't.

.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Back with part 2! This chapter reminds me of the inside of a pillow.

These beginning chapters are a little hard to write so I hope you like it anyway! :D

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**A Match Into Water / 2**

**.**

I developed an odd fondness for my new life after the first few years. It felt odd to think of it that way—my _new _life. As in, the life after my old one. _That I remembered. _While I was quickly able to determine that was probably not normal by any means, it didn't really make much of a difference. When I had just been born, I remembered things but I really couldn't grasp the memory itself, resulting in a series of awful headaches. It was like my body was telling me to stop thinking about it, and eventually I stopped fighting to remember as problems in my new life arose.

When my father took me to the medics they determined that as a baby born slightly prematurely into the aftermath of a battlefield, it was a miracle that my lungs hadn't given out on the spot. I blame the way he had basically suffocated me with his body to keep me from breathing bad air.

Anyway, what they said basically meant that the painful coughing episodes _would _be relatively frequent. Tōka cried when she found out, making me feel incredibly guilty. Apparently, though, our family's medics were extremely capable and with regular healing there was a chance I would one day grow out of my unsightly cough. But until then, I was labeled as _sick_.

Which sucked. Everyone was paranoid with me as if I had a sign on my forehead that said _handle with care, _and to compensate for that I decided to stop crying completely. Whenever I fell, hit my head, or anything in the process of learning to walk I refused to cry in the presence of other people. For the most part, it was Tōka who was teaching me to walk. She would scoop me up hastily whenever I fell and coddle me close to her, frantically asking if I was okay every time, and I would always stare at her and wiggle back out of her arms to try again. She gave me odd looks the first few times, but eventually came to realize I didn't need to be treated like a delicate china tea set. Part of me wanted to do that for her, too, since I knew that her paranoia was only because of the scare I gave her our first night together. Fortunately her nervousness didn't last long, and she became much more at ease with me as I grew up.

That didn't mean that I wasn't practically attached to her at the hip, though. She liked taking me with her everywhere, and the only thing I really minded about that was that she talked _really loudly _when approached by another person. Tōka was a very proud little girl who liked to make her presence known probably because she was short and wanted the acknowledgement of the adults.

Seeing a little girl carrying another baby girl attracted the attention of just about every Senju woman in the vicinity, who all seemed to drift our way just to fawn over us. Surprisingly enough, Tōka managed show me off and be obnoxiously possessive both at the same time. For instance, one day when two women I didn't recognize walked up to us to coo over me and ask what my name was, Tōka blew up.

"She's mine!"They both flinched and looked rather shocked at her outburst, but then she held me out a little further so they could look at me.

"She doesn't look a lot like me but that's because I look like my dad and she looks like mom. Isn't she so cute?" the women looked rather floored by her change in attitude, but then they smiled and agreed that I was adorable. Especially when I gave them a toothless grin, and giggling even though it was my sister I was laughing at and not them. I caught on to the language here relatively quickly—and despite my initial dislike of her horribly loud voice, I learned that some of the things she said were worth the volume. And she was much quieter when it was just us and father, which made up for it in my opinion.

Once I could understand a decent amount of their language, I became a much happier baby and often used that to my advantage in my attempts to learn about my new life here. In other words, spying on the adults while they held me and talked about politics thinking I couldn't understand them. The first time I got this opportunity was when I was 6 or 7 months old, and father took Tōka and I to meet our cousins. Well, took _me _to meet our cousins.

Needless to say I was floored from the moment I saw them. I clung to father at first as he greeted my uncle, who was bigger than him with the sternest looking face I'd ever seen. I felt rather odd since he didn't really say anything to me—he obviously wasn't the most child friendly person in the world. He looked me over once and continued talking to my father, and despite my initial want to listen in on their conversation, he made me a little uncomfortable so I was thankful when Tōka finally took me away.

She looked around the room for a while, possibly not wanting to be rude and wander the house of a rather intimidating man, while my eyes were glued to another set of eyes staring at us around the corner. They stared unblinkingly at mine when he realized I was staring back.

"To." I caught her attention and fidgeted in her arms, putting my hand on her face to make her look in the same direction. She gasped excitedly and the boy we were looking at smiled and ran away. It was adorable, but it was times like these that it was painfully obvious to me that I was, in fact, _not _a child.

"_Hashi-niisan!" _she whispered loudly and took off after him with me. He would stop at the end of each hallway and peek around the corner at us to make sure we were going the right way, where I would find him first and point to show Tōka how brilliant I was. The chase finally ended once we got outside; somehow he ended up behind us and he tackled my sister into a hug. His head was buried in her shoulder.

"I was afraid you weren't gonna come back." He mumbled into her shirt, and I mentally squealed at how cute he was. He was kind of half-hugging me too, since she was still holding me.

"Of course I came back, dummy." She replied in her typical sassy manner and then held me out to him as if I was a cool new toy. "Look, papa brought my baby sister back too!" my personal space bubble was being invaded by two children now and he gazed at me with the same amazement that she had.

_Am I really that interesting? _I didn't really understand the fascination, but it was cute at least. His hair was nearly as dark as his eyes in an interesting almost bowl-cut, and he obviously took after his father in every sense but his personality. She let him hold me and he gave me the biggest, cheesiest grin I think I've ever seen.

"Hi Nuka-chan, I'm your new favorite cousin Hashirama!" he started hugging the life out of me and I deadpanned while he wasn't looking. Unfortunately though, he was squeezing me a bit too hard and I ended up coughing a few times until he stopped. His expression quickly changed to one of fear and he held me away from him to see if I was okay.

"Sorry, sorry!" he apologized profusely. I doubted that he knew I couldn't breathe well so I didn't really mind, but he seemed to feel bad.

"It's okay! The medics said she has bad lungs so she can't really breathe that good. She stopped coughing though so she's okay, right Nuka-chan?" I let out a short baby noise just for the sake of responding and I leaned back into my cousin to show him it was okay. He smiled again and seemed relieved, whereas I was frustrated again because his name rang a bigger bell than even the word _Uchiha _did. I _knew _him, and as someone else other than my cousin, but how? It always put me in a mood when I couldn't remember things, so I just pouted and leaned my head over his shoulder. I contemplated going to sleep since I felt a headache coming on, but when I opened my eyes again there was someone else at Hashirama's side staring up at me.

His eyes were weird. So was his hair. I felt a small surge of jealousy when Tōka moved to hug him.

"Tobi-kun! There you are." Tōka greeted with enthusiasm.

"Hi." Was his short reply and he didn't hug her back, but continued to stare at me and Hashirama. "I do it too?" he said to him and held his arms up as if to take me from him. I stared back at him and his weird eyes, gripping Hashirama a little tighter. This white haired boy looked to be closer to my age than theirs, and I imagined he was probably new at walking so I was apprehensive at the idea of him holding me. He didn't seem very stable.

"Nuka-chan might be too heavy for you, Tobirama." He denied, seeming to sense my hesitation. His name seemed just as familiar as Hashirama's as well and it made me want to cry, but he was persistent.

"No I can do it!" he grabbed Hashirama's sleeve and his brother gave an overly dramatic sigh. I felt a short surge of annoyance, since he was proving to be _that _kind of kid, who was determined to do everything himself. The annoyance was only dampened by the fact that he was probably not even two years old, and he was absolutely adorable.

"Fine, but don't drop her okay?" he said as he handed me over. Tobirama mumbled a quick 'okay' back—probably just to get him to shut up—and he had to make an obvious effort to hold me correctly, considering he wasn't even that much bigger than me. I had my fat baby arms around his neck in a death grip and I was determined to take him down with me if he dropped me. Tōka seemed to think it was the cutest thing ever, whereas Hashirama just looked nervous.

"See I did it." Tobirama rubbed it in with an obviously limited vocabulary. I wasn't terribly sure of whether I liked his attitude or not. It would probably be easier to tolerate if it wasn't _me _at risk of being dropped. Hashirama put his hands on his hips and gave him a smile that looked nervous, annoyed and proud all at the same time. If that was possible.

"Okay show-off, why don't you just go—," Tobirama turned tail with me and walked back inside the house. I let out a rather pathetic scream since it was unexpected, and he was rather fast for a presumably new walker. He was also wobbly. It made me nervous.

"Tobirama, no wait!" I heard Hashirama and Tōka both call after us. Tobirama didn't bother looking back or anything, and he took the same path down the halls that we had first taken to get outside. I was surprised I wasn't choking him to death with my nervous death grip, but he didn't seem to really notice and continued his hobble-run. My noises of protest eventually died down and he started panting and adjusting his hold on me multiple times. Considering I was about three-quarters of his size, it was a wonder how he was just now getting tired.

Once he slowed down to a normal pace for a baby I realized we were back in the room with the adults, where his father and mine were now staring at us. He walked up closer to his father and I eyed him warily since he was still intimidating.

"Look dad." He said and adjusted his hold on me again. It then occurred to me what he was doing—that he probably carried me all the way back here for the sake of proving that he was grown-up enough to carry me. To his father, not so much mine. I found myself wondering if my uncle neglected them. At that thought, my annoyance at Tobirama's mild bratty attitude was now quelled completely and replaced with a weird sort of understanding. I couldn't stop the glare that came over my face, so I just hid it more into his shoulder to keep my uncle from noticing.

"Tobirama-kun, did you carry my Nuka-chan all the way out here by yourself?" My father asked with quite possibly the kindest smile on his face.

_Take some notes, you old geezer. _I aimed my bitter thoughts at my uncle as his only acknowledgement to his son's accomplishment was a smirk that was hardly visible. Tobirama then directed his attention to my father—probably disappointed the acknowledgement wasn't from his own.

"Yeah." He confirmed. I felt a little bad for him so my death grip loosened into a firm hug, leaning my head over his shoulder hoping he could somehow feel my sympathy. I imagined he wasn't even two years old; carrying a baby my size as far and as fast as he did was _impressive, _and he deserved some kind of positive reaction at the very least. I never had to cry for the love of my father, and that was how I believed it should be with everyone.

It was frustrating because I knew that parents like my uncle were probably everywhere here. It was obviously something that had to be accepted because it was so _common_, but I hated seeing it happen right in front of me. I can't blame the bratty kid for being a brat if his father is an even bigger brat. To make matters even worse, my sister and Hashirama chose that moment to catch up to us—and the look of realization on his face as if he also understood made me horribly sad.

"He ran all the way back here from the other side of the compound!" Hashirama added in a know-it-all voice in the direction of _my _father, and I lifted my head off of Tobirama's shoulder to look at him with wide eyes. The way he said it made it sound like an underhanded jab at my uncles' lack of reaction.

Could the happy-go-lucky angel of a cousin I had met be openly _defying _his own father? I had to be imagining that. But he had ignored his father on purpose, and Tobirama seemed to be having the same somewhat-shocked reaction I was having. He ended up blushing a little bit as well from the praise of his dear older brother, which was cute. He should learn to rely on him instead of his father—it was obvious who the better emotional investment was. The look on my fathers' face was still a definite contrast from that of the man across from him.

"Wow, that's quite a long way. It's good to see both of you taking such good care of her." He turned his eyes back to me and my face turned red.

"I taught them how papa." My sister chimed in, eager to take some of the credit as well. She seemed to share the same attitude about it as Tobirama to an extent, and as a spectator I found myself wanting that sort of attention less and less. And Tobirama was still holding me. Father turned his endlessly proud smile to Tōka , and she beamed back at him.

"Hm. It'll be good practice before your new sibling gets here." Uncle finally added, actually managing to get both of my cousins to smile for once. My sister gasped far too dramatically.

"You get another one?" she asked in disbelief. Hashirama nodded with the grin of the incredibly proud older brother that he was, sticking his nose up in the air. Tobirama was smiling as well, though it looked like he was trying to hide it behind my fat pudgy body. This seemed to allude to the fact that their mother was still alive; I was curious about her considering she wasn't here to meet me, but not really.

"Uh huh. And it's gonna be a boy!" Hashirama declared, pointing a finger at his father as if to challenge him. He chuckled and crossed his arms.

"We'll see when it happens." He responded and my father sipped at his tea. "Why don't you and Tōka go play outside?" I could only imagine what my uncle's concept of _playing _was. The two of them didn't really seem to care about his abrupt ending of the conversation—typical of three year olds. They seemed to continue it on their own as they said 'okay' and left. Tōka shot me a look as if to make sure I'd be okay without her, and I lifted my arm and waved to show her I was fine. She smiled back at me and I swore I saw a twinge of sadness in her eyes—but why? I frowned.

"Tobirama," his father patted the spot next to him and I silently willed him to disobey, but of course he didn't and joined his side like the good boy that he was. I sat in his lap and he seemed a little relieved at not having to hold my weight anymore. I didn't really want to sit by uncle, but the light and caring gaze from my own father across from us made it a bit more bearable.

"Another boy for the war wouldn't be too bad, hmm?" my father commented and my head snapped to the right to look at my uncle. This was it—the conversation had finally took the turn that I was hoping for and I wholeheartedly planned on eavesdropping to learn more about my situation. They didn't know that I understood them. They probably didn't even think _Tobirama _understood them, even being a whole year older than me. That was why they let us stay. But then I saw my fathers' eyes flicker to me and back to uncle, as if he noticed my reaction.

_Act like a baby. _I looked up at my cousin with the most innocent eyes I could muster and grabbed his nose. His eyes widened in surprise at the sudden attention, and he generally just looked confused. But it made my father smile. Hopefully it threw him off.

* * *

Atsura was a different kind of father than his brother in-law. The differences between them were so evident, he was more than sure that even his 6-month old daughter could see it. Over the months he had picked up her ticks, and while he convinced himself that she was simply a little hyper-aware, a part of him was sincerely curious as to what she could be thinking. It wasn't too long ago he had even took her back to the medics to see if there was some sort of medical reasoning for her slightly odd habits—and yet there was nothing new or different than any time before.

Her lungs were the same, damaged but healing. A problem with her chakra maybe?

They said there was such a thing as _chakra hypersensitivity, _but according to them, Nuka didn't quite fit the bill for that either. Butsuma mentioned that Tobirama was hypersensitive like that, and his habits were odd in the sense that he could tell who was behind a closed door. It wasn't quite the same with his Nuka; she seemed to react strangely towards certain words and objects which obviously had no chakra to sense. The medics didn't seem to have an answer for it other than _see if she'll grow out of it, _like always. It was an answer that always seemed to work on him, though. He often forgot she wasn't even a year old yet.

It was hard for him to describe the feeling he got when Tobirama walked in the room with Nuka. The red eyes were a common trait between his wife and sister in-law, which explained the similarities between cousins. But whenever he looked at those eyes on Nuka, with all her keen awareness, he felt as if there was a phantom wound in his chest and it was his wife was staring him right in the face. Then in the arms of her cousin the amount of red doubled, and the phantom wound was like a hole that only seemed to get bigger the longer he looked. He felt like he'd seen a ghost—then quickly hid it with a smile. A smile that was only partially fake.

Butsuma called his youngest son to sit by his side, taking Nuka with him as he sat down. Atsura was a little surprised at the clan head's lack of enthusiasm over the fact that his one and a half year old carried a baby all the way back here by himself. Tobirama was obviously trying to impress him. Raising boys was certainly different from raising girls, yes—but his boys weren't even old enough to go out to war. Was this kind of attitude towards them really necessary?

"Another boy for the war wouldn't be too bad, hmm?" he questioned as he sipped his tea. Nuka's reaction to his words was noted—or imagined, he was never really sure—and his brother grunted and nodded in agreement.

"Too many died in the attack on the old compound. Miyako needs a distraction as well, since Hashirama started his training." He responded, and all that ran through Atsura's head was _he's a three year old boy._

He didn't let his disapproval show on his face. He disapproved of a lot of things Butsuma did—but he found himself making excuses for him constantly. One good quality was all he needed to find for him to love his brother, he told himself. Everybody has redeeming qualities.

It was a rather difficult notion to believe at times, but his wife said she always liked that about him.

"Already?" he made sure his tone was neutral. Butsuma gave him a smirk and a low chuckle.

"Raising boys is a bit different than girls, brother." As if he didn't know that.

The one seemingly solid reason for the way he is. He raised boys, and they lived in a war. A war in which it was necessary for _children_ to be sent into. Surely if Atsura had two boys instead of two girls, he would have been expected to chuck them onto the battlefield as soon as possible too. Not that he really agreed with that, either. Maybe it wasn't Butsuma's ways that he disapproved of; maybe it was just the kind of world they lived in.

With his daughters being without a mother and him being a shinobi, all he was really _expected _to do was maybe leave them with one of the older women who could teach them to cook, sew, and do all those other woman activities. He didn't really want to pawn off his children like that, though. The thought made him cringe a little as well—he couldn't imagine Tōka being terribly interested in any of that.

He smiled a crooked smile and let out a laugh. "That's true. I can't say I'm not grateful." His eyes moved back over to Tobirama and Nuka. The latter was huddled into a tight ball with her arms around him, and her eyes closed as if she was sleeping. Atsura knew better though; her chakra was just as active now as it had been when they got here.

_Clever, but no dice. _He tried his best to steer his thoughts away from her behavior. She wasn't really the type to latch onto new people either—the fact that she hasn't tried to get away from her cousin yet was interesting. Not that it was necessarily a bad thing.

Butsuma didn't seem to care for Atsura's relief at being in the easier situation. He gave him one hard look that yet again seemed to fly over his head. Atsura's aptitude when it came to brushing off any and every sort of intimidation tactic was actually rather well-respected by his brother, even if it was with a smile that was probably fake.

"I was thinking about you taking Hashirama on his first mission." Atsura nearly choked on his tea.

Before he could even begin to think of all the reasons it wouldn't be right for the heir of the Senju clan to be taken out to war for the first time by his _uncle_ and not his _father, _Nuka chose that very moment to choke on his tea for him; she coughed a few times and started rubbing her eyes as if her coughing had woken her up. Which he would believe, considering it actually did happen rather often. This allowed a moment of time for him to think of an appropriate response—even though he know there was only one answer his brother would accept.

"Ah, well of course—I suppose. I assumed it would've been something…," he trailed off. _Something you would want to do as his father._

"Your division has plenty of medics, and I will undoubtedly have business with_ Tajima—_he doesn't need to know about my son." Butsuma gave as his excuse, spitting out the name as if it was poison. It was kind of understandable. At least he had Hashirama's well-being in mind, if anything. He plastered on his fake smile again, effectively concealing his disapproval.

"I understand. It would be an honor, then." Atsura stood up once he finished his tea with every intention of ending the conversation. He directed his attention to the children and his expression became a bit more genuine.

"Tobirama-kun, do you think you could do me a favor and tell Tōka it's time to go home?" the boy in question seemed a little caught off guard at the sudden attention and looked at his father as if for permission. Butsuma nodded to him once.

"Okay." He agreed, getting up obediently and scooping up Nuka. Atsura gave him a look of surprise as he walked off with her again. He didn't necessarily mean he had to take her with him…

Again, not that it was necessarily a bad thing. The clan head's kids weren't allowed around many children their age—it was more for their sake that he maintained his relationship with his brother.

Hashirama's first mission probably wouldn't be for a few more years. Even then, Atsura felt determined to protect his innocence for as long as he could. The way the boy always looked at him gave him the impression he was a lot smarter than he let on. Another set of eyes that he couldn't read—just like his Nuka.

* * *

To say that my clever act of espionage on my family was unsuccessful would be an understatement. I didn't learn much of anything I didn't already know except for more talk of the Uchiha and the war; along with that was now the added worry of my cousin being exposed to said war while he was still just a _baby_. I wanted to cry when the adults brought it up, but obviously I didn't in favor of keeping up the act as a baby myself. Would Tobirama have to do the same thing? Learn to kill before he can even learn to read?

One thing I became sure of to the highest degree was that this was a sad, _sad _world I had been born into. Literally _everyone _was in the middle of a war. It wasn't just us and the Uchiha—there are a ton of other mercenary clans all over that are constantly fighting. Our clan, the Senju, and the Uchiha just happened to be two of the strongest. And the two with a hatred for each other that ran so deep I couldn't even begin to understand it.

My family name certainly struck a familiar chord in me—just like the Uchiha had. But what really got to me was that the hatred for the Uchiha my family held felt _normal. _Like that was exactly how it should be. I didn't feel any of those feelings, but I didn't really question them either.

"To?" I tried talking to my cousin on the trek back outside since he refused to let me go. The first two letters of his name were the same as my sister, so I officially dubbed him with the same nickname. Tobirama didn't seem to be nearly as chatty as her though, so my attempts at talking to him proved to be in vain. He probably didn't know too many words anyway.

It was when we finally rounded the last hallway and the door leading outside was in sight that he finally acknowledged I'd been talking to him. He put me down so he could open the door, and after he did he came back to me and bent over to look at me closer. His face was weirdly close and I didn't know what he was doing, other than staring at me in silence.

"You should learn to walk."

Oh.

_Well that's not very nice._

I scowled at him. It probably didn't look very threatening but I didn't particularly care. No one said he had to carry me! And then he had the nerve to pick me up again, and I pointedly started fussing just to be a brat in return as he forced me to go outside with him. I pushed his face away from mine as much as I could but really to no avail with the semi-awkward way he was holding me. Jerk.

"You're back!" I stopped my tantrum at the sound of Tōka's voice. She ran out from behind one of the trees and I reached for her immediately, desperate to get away from my captor. She happily took me away and I draped my head over her shoulder, forgetting my childish anger at Tobirama in an instant. My moment of peace was interrupted when I heard something fall from a tree a ways in front of me, though—Hashirama. Very smooth.

Tobirama looked over at him and tilted his head as if he was confused by his brother's idiocy. But then he seemed to remember that he had a message to send and grabbed onto Tōka's sleeve, telling her with his limited baby vocabulary that our father needed us back inside. His vocabulary obviously wasn't limited enough for him to tell me to learn to walk, though, which brought another big fat frown to my face.

Hashirama ran to catch up to us until we were all walking back in together. He was practically bouncing off the walls, pretending to throw ninja weapons at us and trying to ambush Tobirama all before we could make it back to the adults. He pretended that Tōka was an evil villain who had kidnapped me, and he tried to get me back with the help of his right-hand man Tobirama—who ultimately turned out to be a traitor, so Hashirama ended up losing.

"No, no, no! I'm supposed to be the good guy so I can't lose!" he whined from his spot on the floor, where Tobirama had pushed him. Tōka was laughing while Tobirama and I both tried to hide a grin.

"Sorry." Tobirama apologized before helping him up. Turning his mischievous eyes to my sister, he tackled her—not hard enough to push her over, but enough to catch her off guard so that Hashirama could snatch me away from the other side. I didn't particularly like being manhandled, but they were just _so cute! _He held me up in the air like a trophy and ran until we were quite a ways ahead of them.

"Mission success!" he paraded around sticking his nose up high. He eventually shifted his grip on me so he was holding me like a normal person and I caught a glimpse of the nearing adults. My father was there with his perfect smile, regarding us fondly while my uncle was simply there. I reached out to father with both arms, happy to see him even though it hadn't been long at all.

"Papa!" I greeted with one of the few words I had been letting myself use. He lifted me up out of my _favorite cousin Hashirama's _arms and I felt relieved being in more steady hands.

"Did you have fun, little bird?" he asked and I opened my mouth to say _yes _but I closed it just in time, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck and stuffing my face into his collarbone and mumbling into it in response. He laughed.

"Come on Tōka, say goodbye to your cousins." He beckoned her over. She gave Tobirama and Hashirama both the quickest hugs humanely possible and came to hold his hand right away, looking back at the boys as we left. They both stood in the doorway watching us leave; Hashirama waved goodbye over-enthusiastically and Tobirama waved normally, looking a little sadder than his brother about us leaving. Looking over my father's shoulder at them, I started waving back and he smiled.

By this time the sun was beginning to set—I could tell from the way that the light shining through the leaves was multiple shades of orange. Tōka was jabbering endlessly to father about everything she did with Hashirama, and he listened with a patient smile like always.

I knew that this probably wasn't what Hashirama was doing with his own father now—talking about his whole day as if he cared to hear about it. I could only hope that their mother could fulfill all of those qualities that my father had and their father lacked. I was nodding off the more I thought about it, and Tōka's voice became almost soothing background noise. Before I knew it, we were back home and I was with father alone in his room for once. I typically slept with my sister, so what did this mean?

There was his ever-loving smile. "Hey sleepyhead." I yawned in response. "Did you have fun with Tobirama-kun today?" he asked quietly. Tōka must be sleeping already. I grabbed his shirt just because.

"To." He grinned and nodded his head. I knew that most of my responses should probably just consist of me staring at him because I shouldn't understand, but if it made him happy I almost wanted to start talking in complete sentences. I was able to control this impulse relatively well, or so I thought at least.

"Yes, To." He humored me, and then asked the one question that always made me nervous. He didn't ask it particularly often, but it was still more than I liked. The question that always made me avert my eyes and try to wriggle out of his grip.

"You can understand what I'm saying, hmm?"

More than anything, I was really tempted to say _no—_but that would obviously confirm that yes, I understood the question. But the fact that I would be contradicting myself seemed too funny not to do, so I ended up doing it anyway.

"No?" I responded, and his eyebrows flew up. Slowly but surely, a smile started to grow on his face after a moment.

"No, huh?" he looked thoroughly amused, "Well, alright then. I won't tell anyone."

…


	3. Chapter 3

**A Match Into Water / 3**

**.**

There's nothing to be nervous about, he said. Aunt Miyako will love you, he said.

I was starting to believe that my father was a big fat liar, and he would say these things just to get a reaction out of me when the complete opposite would happen. Which I guess I couldn't blame him for, considering his suspicions that I'm some sort of baby genius have been apparent practically since I was born. Not that it ever stopped me from getting mad at him afterwards.

I quickly came to learn that he was so good at lying that it was downright disturbing. He could spit out lies or a twisted truth as quickly and easily as he could ask about the weather. It was actually a rather daunting quality I came to associate with the father I had originally kind of considered a saint.

So when the time came around that I finally got to meet my aunt—it was just my father and I that time—I wasn't very happy when the entire visit seemed to go sour.

Senju Miyako was just as stunning as one would expect the wife of the clan head to be. She was, in my opinion, very unique_-_looking in ways that I felt would probably be extremely weird in my past life. White hair, red eyes, and incredibly fair-skinned—Tobirama obviously took after her.

I'd heard plenty of times that she held a rather close resemblance to my mother as well from Tōka. Which probably meant she kind of looked like me, too, but I've yet to come across a mirror in our house to actually confirm it.

Father smiled at me as we walked to the main house together. I wasn't quite up to par with my dear cousin _Tobirama _when it came to walking speed when he was my age. Not that it really mattered; my father seemed to be impressed enough with my intelligence, and my physical ability wouldn't ever really matter anyway since I didn't need to fight in the war. He seemed to prefer walking slow anyway.

He liked to play a game with me where we'd take a zig-zagged path to our destination, trying to pass through every sun spot that shown through the trees. Despite being a lot older mentally than he thought I was, I always thought the abundance of nature was worth taking the extra time to admire since I'm pretty much stuck here. Upon nearing the main house, he took my hand into his because I always forgot to act my age and do it first. He raised his hand to knock on the door, but it slid open before he had the chance to do so.

Tobirama stared up at us from the other side. It must have been his weird chakra-sensing intuition he had—I had heard father talking about it with my uncle once or twice before. He used to think I was the same way, but that theory was scrapped in favor of thinking I just had very much above-average intelligence.

"Hi." My dear cousin greeted, not really waiting for a response before he took my hand and led me inside. Father let out a laugh as he was still attached to my other hand, before he let go and drifted in the direction I remembered the kitchen to be. Tobirama continued to pull me in the direction of the room he shared with Hashirama, letting go of my hand only to open the door.

"Big brother's not here today," he said, "Neither is father. They're training a lot."

"Oh." I responded, not really knowing what to say. "I think Tōka trains with my papa sometimes." Tobirama looked surprised, his eyes going big.

"But she's a girl. Girls don't get to be shinobi." He said with the conviction of a three year old.

"Why not?" I asked just because. He looked around the room like he was looking for the answer, picking up one of many wooden kunai strewn around the floor. He threw it at a target hung on the wall and missed by about a foot.

"Hmm," he paused, "I dunno." He picked up another one and stared at it for a minute.

"You do it." He held it out to me. I took it rather reluctantly; I knew I'd never become a shinobi anyway being as _sick _as I was, so I never saw the purpose in trying. He looked at me rather expectantly though, so I decided to humor him. Pulling my hand back, I threw the wooden knife with probably the wrong technique and missed by about the same distance he had. His brow furrowed in what was either confusion or frustration.

"Hmm. I think…" he paused, "I think girls are supposed to stay home and take care of babies. That's what my mom does."

I stared at him wide-eyed, openly flabbergasted at his response. Part of me was actually rather insulted, and I had to consciously remember to shut my mouth since my jaw had dropped nearly to the floor.

And then I realized after a minute of thought, _of course _he would think that way. I found that I couldn't place even one female in our family that ever left the compound, wearing armor to go fight or anything.

"What about the medics?" I asked. Surely the Senju have had _field _medics at least, right? Nearly every medic in the compound that I'd seen had been a woman.

"They take care of babies too. And all the girl medics stay home." My look of initial shock turned into a scowl. I was losing an argument with a three year old boy.

"But don't they have to help people who fight and can't get back home?" Tobirama looked a little shocked at how well I could talk. His eyes were wide and he looked a little confused, and caught off guard. He was typically very bright for his age so it was easy to forget he might not understand everything.

"Not all medics are girls. Uncle Atsu's a medic, right?" oh. That made sense—all the field medics were men.

"Oh. Yeah. I just forgot." I answered, feeling especially dumb for forgetting male medics existed when my own father was one.

I wasn't sure that living a life solely to have children to send to their deaths was a life I wanted. I knew I couldn't be a shinobi; that decision was made for me the day I was born. For some reason I felt too bitter about living as women were expected to live to even imagine it. And I was close to voicing this opinion to my cousin, but then the door opened, successfully breaking my train of thought.

"Talking about me?" I paled slightly at my father's voice. How long had he been there? That smile that I learned was often fake was stuck on his face again, and it practically shouted _I heard you say a little more than you should._

"Why don't you come out here and meet your Aunt Miya? Tobirama-kun can come with you."

I'd pretty much completely forgotten meeting her was our original purpose for even coming. I didn't hesitate to ditch my conversation with Tobirama in favor of meeting his mother.

"Okay." I quickly agreed, grabbing my cousin's hand and dragging him out with me. It always seemed to be like that with us—one or the other was always getting dragged around against their will. Maybe not completely, but kind of. It was like a sign of friendship. Tōka often did it with me, and I was sure Hashirama was the type to do it with him.

Following my papa into the kitchen area, the woman who had to be my aunt walked in at the same time from a door on the opposite end up the room. She was surprisingly tall, and _very _noticeably pregnant, like I'd heard from both of my cousins quite a few times. And as if she wasn't pale enough naturally already, her face seemed to turn sheet white once her eyes came to rest on me. She stood frozen in place for a moment, looking visibly nervous.

It almost looked like she was about to come closer, introduce herself and act like the loving mother I always hoped my cousins had—but instead, she seemed to choke on her words before she slapped a hand over her mouth and turned her eyes to the ground.

"I'm sorry," her voice sounded meek and tired, then she turned and hurriedly left the room the same way she came.

It was more than obvious it was me that upset her. I frowned and felt a childish urge to cry. I let go of Tobirama's hand as well, feeling guilty I had upset his mother without really even doing anything. Looking up at my dad, I was slightly shocked to see he almost looked equally as nervous as she did. It wasn't an emotion I ever saw on his face, whether or not he ever truly felt it. I was snapped back into reality when I felt Tobirama grab my hand again without a word and lead me in the direction his mother walked out.

I choked on my words and struggled against him for a moment since I didn't know if going after her was the best idea. But my father didn't stop us—I even heard him heave a quiet sigh of relief. Tobirama seemed to know exactly where she'd gone and I briefly wished I could sense chakra like he could. I wondered if he even knew most people couldn't do it, or if it was just second nature to him.

We turned into the one room with an open door and saw her standing with her back to us. I wanted Tobirama to let go so I could stand further away, or hide behind him, or something. Taking tentative steps closer, he eventually gripped the sleeve of her kimono and tugged lightly to get her attention. I heard her sniff quietly, and my guilt seemed to multiply. Did I make her cry?

And then she sighed and put a hand on Tobirama's head. Finally turning around, I was relieved to see she looked composed for the most part as she gave me a hesitant smile. I checked to see if her eyes were red from crying—and of course her eyes were naturally red so I couldn't tell. She was holding a picture in her other hand close to her chest.

"Sorry for running away. I'm okay, darling." She assured her son, glancing back at the photo momentarily before kneeling down to sit at our level.

"And you must be Nuka," she directed at me, and I nodded, "I've heard you're quite the little genius." I was rather confused at the moment so I was tempted to deny it.

"I guess so." I half-agreed. Her smile waned in the slightest and I forced out my next choice of words, "I'm sorry I made you sad."

She looked surprised, then almost guilty herself. Shaking her head, her smile came back a little bit.

"Don't be sorry. I was just surprised when I saw you. You look a lot like my baby sister, you know." She said slowly, before holding out the picture to me. I took it carefully, looking at it with as much interest as a normal two year old. It was Aunt Miyako next to a woman that looked nearly identical to her—the only difference being her hair that was a golden blonde. I looked back up at my aunt.

"That's my mom?" I asked, even though I sort of already knew the answer. Who else would it be? Although a picture of her was definitely something I'd never seen before, my sister had told me various stories about her and what she looked like down to the very last detail. Tōka really seemed to idolize her.

"Mhmm. Her name was Hanako."

Tobirama leaned over my shoulder to look at the picture with me. It seemed to be a fairly old picture, so I figured it was odd for him to see his mother look so young. And my own mother looked to be quite a few years even younger than her—hardly a teenager.

I never even got to see her before she died, so I didn't feel the loss the way my sister or my father did. I had practically chased my aunt away just by resembling her sister, and I was starting to feel guilty all over again. She'd probably still be alive if it weren't for me—and for some reason, I still had the nagging feeling that I really wasn't meant to be here.

* * *

A quiet sigh escape Atsura as he listened in from the other side of the door. Miyako managed to compose herself well enough, and he could hear her telling Nuka all the things about her mother that he still couldn't bring himself to remember again.

It was a visit that he had been pointedly avoiding for as long as he could manage. If he could've avoided his sister in law forever it would've been ideal—and for a while, it seemed as though she felt the same way. At the very least about meeting her new niece, and not so much for the same reasons Atsura preferred to stay away. He was never particularly close with her, and it wasn't as if he disliked her or anything. But his wife's death still weighed heavily on him, even after two years; being in the company of the one person that looked and acted so similar to the love of his life was agony.

Perhaps he was lucky that he had yet to be in the presence of her and her husband at the same time. He knew that Butsuma paid extra attention to his ticks—which there were so few of, they were nearly nonexistent—but that was exactly why he seemed to look so much harder for them. If Butsuma were here, perhaps he would've noticed the way his hands started to shake in the slightest at the sight of his wife. Or the way his breathing patterns seem to slow down, and there was a single bead of sweat running down the back of his neck. To the untrained eye, it would've looked like nothing—but to Atsura, he felt like he was about to fall apart any second.

He wanted to slap himself when he felt relief instead of guilt at her leaving the room. Nuka would realize it was her fault; he knew she would, because she always seemed to understand more than she should. Atsura heard her talking to Tobirama, talking about things he had never taught her. He never spoke of the war, especially the concept of death when she alluded to the people who 'can't get back home'. He spent so much of his time just trying to think of where she could've heard those things, but his theories were flimsy and lacked any real foundation.

Hashirama knew about the war. He knew what his father had been training him for. Preserving the innocence of his sons definitely wasn't Butsuma's biggest concern, either. It wouldn't be a surprise if Hashirama knew people died nearly every day fighting, but his behavior constantly suggested that he was still a sheltered, happy go-lucky five year old who'd never been exposed to the horrors of the real world.

Nuka wasn't very social, even with her sister around to cause a ruckus and attract the attention of everyone in the compound. She was like a shadow that simply followed wherever Tōka decided to drag her; she never went to go play with other kids her age of her own volition, unless it was one of her cousins. Even then, she seemed to prefer Tobirama over his more excitable older brother. But Hashirama was his only somewhat solid guess at where Nuka had learned that people die on the battlefield, despite his behavior suggesting he didn't even know it himself.

He tried to tell himself it wasn't that big of a deal anyway, since she'd learn about it eventually…but it made him a little sad; he had hoped she would stay a baby just a little longer.

A very smart baby who understood a lot more than most children her age. Would it really make a difference then, if she's already been so grown up since practically the beginning? Maybe once she was older she could communicate to him what she was really thinking—not that she couldn't now, because she probably could—but she can still get away with playing dumb because she's still just a child. And who in their right mind would be suspicious of a child? Of course, a child that wasn't a boy thrown onto the battlefield at 5 that could technically be considered a trained killer and an adult.

Atsura sighed. Finally hatching his escape plan, he steeled himself to open the door he was listening behind despite his body's protests and plastered on a smile that he was sure his daughter would see right through. She was the only one who really did.

As if she heard his thoughts and intended on proving just that, she walked over to him and grabbed his hand, gently pulling him over to the others. He didn't move right away, so she stopped and turned her head to look up at him with her bright red eyes. She gave him a look of childish innocence mixed with genuine concern and his smile was not returned.

"Papa?" she said so quietly it could hardly be heard. He squeezed her tiny hand lightly instead of giving her another smile equally as fake, and this time it seemed to work and she grinned up at him. It threw him for a loop momentarily and he wondered if it was real or fake.

Letting her walk him over to her cousin and aunt, Atsura swallowed and sat down close enough to have a conversation but still far away enough to breathe.

"Miyako-san," he cursed himself for sounding so meek, and nearly choked on his words once her eyes actually settled on him, "I have a mission tomorrow that may take a few days to a week to complete. I truly hate to ask this of you so soon before the baby is born, but…" his voice died out and he broke eye contact. Miyako then gave him a smile that made him forget how to breathe.

"I've never had girls before. Don't act like you're burdening me, Atsu." She replied. Atsura had to focus on physically stopping the blood from rushing to his face at the nickname. Hanako was the one who came up with _that. _Then he smiled back, though he wasn't sure if it was entirely fake.

"I would just have them stay with one of the other women, but Nuka doesn't have much interest in other kids her age, and Tōka…tends to pick fights. They're much better with their cousins." He explained. Miyako laughed quietly.

"I can see that," she said looking at Nuka, who was latched to Tobirama's arm while they looked at some of the other old pictures strewn across the floor. Though Nuka was only half paying attention, and both adults had caught her glancing in their direction a few times like she was actually listening to them.

"Butsuma will only be training Hashirama for the next few days this week, since we are expecting very soon. Hopefully Tōka won't miss him too much until then." Hashirama's training was not Atsura's favorite topic. He longed to ask her how she really felt about it but he bit his tongue.

"And who knows? Maybe they'd like to stay until the baby is born so they can meet their new cousin." She continued. At that statement, Nuka immediately stood up and walked over until she stood right in front of him, looking him dead in the eyes with a very serious expression.

"I would like to meet my new cousin right away please." She requested politely and Atsura couldn't help the genuine grin that spread across his face. Miyako's expression mirrored his and he felt his heart skip a beat or two. Or three. She nodded at him rather excitedly giving him permission to say yes.

"You can meet your new cousin _right away._" He agreed, taking her by the shoulders to match the intensity of her request.

"Okay." She said quickly before returning back to Tobirama and latching onto him again. Miyako looked thoroughly amused at how well they got along.

"Nuka-chan, what do you think it's going to be? A boy or a girl?" she asked.

"A boy." She responded immediately. Tobirama nodded in agreement next to her. Miyako looked surprised at how sure of herself she sounded.

"Are you sure? You don't want a little girl cousin?" Nuka made a 'hmmm' sound and pretended to think.

"No. I like my boy cousins." She responded seriously. Atsura chuckled and shook his head.

"Tōka would say the same thing." He mused. Remembering her, he stood up. "I should go get her so she knows she'll be staying here for a while." Miyako looked slightly confused at the abruptness of it but nodded all the same.

Turning to leave, Atsura was nearly flooded with relief the farther away from her he got. He was just too close to her for too long.

* * *

"Keep your chin up higher. Don't stomp your feet so loudly when you walk—_Tōka!"_

Tōka scowled at the older Senju woman scolding her. She was extremely old, in her 80's at the very least, wearing a disappointed frown at the child in front of her. She was in every sense a defiant brat, with zero interest in anything girls her age are meant to learn. Noncompliant and terribly ungrateful; not many had the gall to give one of the esteemed clan elders such a hard time. The old woman kneeled to her level and grabbed her by the forearm, fixing her with a glare that made Tōka flinch.

"You are the oldest female in your family, and the closest relatives to the clan head's family. You have a reputation to fulfill, and it is not the one of a disobedient shrew."

"I don't care! My uncle isn't my dad and I don't want to learn how to walk like a—" _slap! _Tōka fell to the ground and looked at her incredulously, cradling her cheek that was now stinging painfully. Tears welled up in her eyes but the glare never left her face.

"What would your mother think if she saw you acting like this? Against the will of the clan. It is shameful." She chided. One tear fell from the young girl's eyes, and then there were two knocks at the door before it slowly slid open.

"Chizuka-sama," Tōka gasped at the sound of her father's voice and jumped to her feet immediately, racing to him before he had a chance to even step inside. He glanced at her briefly, noting her still red cheek and tears in her eyes. He sorely wanted to pick her up and comfort her like he always did, but he knew that doing so in front of one of the elders would not be acceptable. The look on Chizuka's face was that of disappointment, and she folded her hands back into her robes.

"We'll need more time with that one."

Atsura nodded without a word and bowed, gripping Tōka by the shoulder a little tighter than normal. She got the hint and gave a shallow bow as well, not really caring for the show of respect. They walked out the door in silence, and it stayed quiet until she reached up and grabbed his hand. She kept her eyes to the ground and he looked at her, not entirely sure what to make of his normally loud and rambunctious daughter suddenly clamming up.

"Tōka," he started, "You have to start listening to Chizuka-sama. She is one of the clan elders and the best teacher I can get for you."

"I don't want to learn how to walk like a lady." She replied stubbornly. Atsura sighed and they stopped walking for a moment, and he kneeled down in front of her.

"What do you want to do then?" he asked with genuine interest.

"Hashi-neesan tried teaching me how to walk up trees."

Atsura blinked. What?

"Hashirama is teaching you how to use chakra?" he repeated, making sure he heard her right. She looked a little confused and there was a long pause before she responded.

"Uh, yeah." she confirmed. He stared at her for a few minutes before standing back up, taking her by the hand again.

"I have a mission to go on tonight, so you'll be staying with Aunt Miyako until I get back, okay? Your new cousin might be born soon, so you can stay and meet him if you want." He purposely changed the subject and she immediately perked up.

"Really? It's gonna be a boy? How do you know?" she asked excitedly and his eye twitched. He offhandedly referred to it as a boy simply because of Nuka's comment earlier—and her instincts typically ended up being right. He smiled down at his oldest daughter.

"I don't know, but Nuka-chan thinks it's a boy." Tōka beamed at him.

"I think so too! I hope it is, even though Hashi-neesan is always busy all the time now and he can't play as much because he's a boy. Do you think Tobi-kun is gonna have to start training all the time soon too?" Atsura chuckled and shook his head. She was excitable as always.

"All boys have to start training sooner or later. But even if Tobirama has to start shinobi training, you'll have your new cousin to play with. And your sister." He explained much more calmly than her. But at the mention of shinobi training she seemed to deflate.

"Why can't I do that?" she asked with jealously clear in her voice. Her father's smile faded.

"…shinobi training?" he asked, and she nodded. "Ah…well, you can, in a way. Women are valuable, so we don't put them on the front lines. But there are other things they can do that can make a difference in the war." He explained, choosing his words carefully. Her eyes were wide with interest and she nodded vigorously.

"Like what papa?"

"Well, a lot of women that take up shinobi training become either medic nin or infiltrators." Tōka stared up at him in fascination.

"What is that?" she asked after a few incorrect pronunciations on the word. Atsura leaned down a bit as they walked as if he was telling her a secret.

"It's a spy. It's a very dangerous job, though. We leave that to people who are much older than you." Tōka's face turned serious at the warning.

"Oh. Okay. So I would have to be a medic nin? I'm not allowed to fight?" she looked a little disappointed as she asked and her father just smiled and put a hand on her head.

"I told you, it's only because you're important." He repeated. Tōka heaved an overdramatic sigh, reluctantly accepting his answer.

"But that doesn't mean you don't have to listen to Chizuka-sama when she's trying to teach you how to be a lady." He added as an afterthought, "You still have to do everything she says."

"No way!" she yelled incredulously, "I'll never listen to that mean old hag!" Atsura gave her a sly smile and grabbed her by the waist, lifting her up and throwing her over his shoulder.

"Yes you will!" he argued, hardly audible over her giggling. Soon enough they had made it back to the main house, and he hardly noticed the sound of a door opening and closing during her laughing fit.

"Toto!" Tōka gasped and pushed herself off her father's shoulder, half-falling as she landed. Hearing the sound of her voice, she threw herself at the head of dark blonde hair that was her baby sister.

"Nuka-chan, I missed you so much! You'll never believe what that mean old grandma made me do today!" she ranted as she held her in a death grip. Nuka gave a weak smile and laughed inaudibly, as her father was sure that she couldn't breathe.

The two girls broke their hug and immediately joined hands, with Tōka doing most of the talking like always as they re-entered the clan head's home. And like always, Nuka lagged just slightly behind.

* * *

There was a part of me that was always extremely thankful for the fact that my sister could never stop talking. People tended to focus on her instead of me, which was useful in certain situations where I just couldn't keep up the act of being a two year old.

As it turns out, meeting certain people in the past two years has seemed to trigger the same feeling as if I'm meeting someone that I already know. It was a feeling that I got from both my sister, and my cousins—though the feeling was much more intense with the latter. I figured the more time I spent with them, eventually something would jog my memory but I've yet to find the answers I need.

My gut feelings about certain people and other things was something I hoped stemmed from the past life I knew I led. They had to be related—but how? Meeting people I already knew sounded like I might have already lived this life, and I died just to live it again. But that sounded ridiculous so that theory was quickly scrapped.

A light throbbing started in the back of my head and I quit digging. Taking a deep breath, I secretly hoped that my new cousin could remind me of something that actually made sense. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't notice the hand waving in front of my face.

"You do that a lot." Tobirama again. He always noticed everything. "Are you okay?" he poked me in the side. I blinked, thinking up a good reason to have been thinking so hard.

"Uh, yeah. What's your mom gonna name the baby?" I asked. He seemed to accept that and developed a curious look of his own.

"…I dunno. We don't even know what it is yet." He responded in a neutral tone.

But my gut feeling told me it was going to be a boy. It was an instinct that was, more often than not, correct.

_It will be a boy. And his name will be… Kawarama.  
_

...

* * *

**A/N: ** And I'm back! Sorry for the...four month wait? Bah. I actually didn't have very much of this story thought out as well as I wanted it to be when I originally posted it, so I took some time to do some planning and stuff so I can actually give you guys a semi-decent story. I cannot guarantee regular updates, but I definitely don't plan on making you wait quite that long again. Without a good reason at least. :-)

Life is really easy in this story right now but there's a good reason for that, so...yeah. More interesting things will start to happen soon enough but I kind of want to establish relationships and stuff before completely setting the whole plot into motion? If that makes sense. Let me know if the pacing seems too slow though? It kind of seems that way to me but trust me Nuka won't be a baby for much longer so things will obviously get more interesting as everyone gets older and whatnot.

Anyway. yeah. Long author's note. sorry. :-) thanks to everyone who reviewed!


	4. Chapter 4

**A Match Into Water / 4**

**.**

"Nuka, don't you want to hold Kawa-chan? Look at how cute he is!"

Oh, he was very cute. Big dark eyes, and hair oddly enough only a shade darker than my own; the third Senju brother was everything I had predicted him to be. I politely refused every offer made to let me hold him and I was almost starting to worry about hurting my aunt's feelings.

Although, my behavior might be somewhat justified, considering the minute I laid eyes on him I could've sworn I had a vision of his funeral.

I sat on the floor kneeling a moderate distance away from all of the chaos, frozen with my back straight and hands in my lap. Tōka offered to let me hold him, Hashirama offered, even Aunt Miya offered and to every one of them I merely gave a meek 'no thank you' and they would simply turn their attention back to the new bundle of joy. Aunt Miya was the only one who briefly shot me a worried glance—very brief, but of course, she did just go through what looked like a long and painful labor. It lasted nearly a solid 24 hours.

The longer it took the more anxious I got. The process of giving birth here wasn't quite as unfamiliar as I expected it to be, and as an important person my aunt had a good amount of midwives and one or two medics close by in case of an emergency. I didn't expect Kawarama's birth to be nearly as hard on her as it was, which was incredibly unnerving. Freezing up in the position I was currently in was how I ended up waiting out the last few hours—whereas Hashirama had actually cried a few times and Tobirama ended up in a fetal position, hugging his knees next to me whenever he wasn't pacing.

But in the end, Aunt Miya was fine and so was Kawarama. On top of the fact that my conscience seemed to be telling me this boy would still die young, a dark cloud had practically settled over the adults including my uncle. They ended up having to call in a few extras medics, and I could tell by the mix of relief and tension in the room that next time, she probably wouldn't make it.

Considering I had just very accurately predicted not only the gender but the name of my new cousin, it was actually pretty likely that my next little gut feeling had a good chance of also coming true. The fact that it told me my aunt would die during childbirth was enough for me to unfreeze, run to the washroom and proceed to empty my guts out.

It wasn't out of the ordinary for me. I typically had a ridiculous amount of phlegm in my lungs that I had to throw up every few days, so I was fairly certain no one would really worry. That, along with the fact that babies were downright nasty when they're first born; I had plenty of excuses for being sick that did not include visions of my family members dying.

What was equally unnerving was the fact that when I saw my cousin's funeral, Tōka and I were there too—along with another boy I couldn't recognize, and my father was nowhere to be found.

I threw up again. And then there was a quiet knock at the door. I took a few deep breathes before getting up, sliding the door open just a crack. Tobirama.

There were a few seconds where we said nothing and just kind of stared. It was a knowing look he gave me; he always stuck around whenever I had to pretty much empty my lungs out, though he never really knew what to say. I told him before that he really didn't have to comfort me—but the fact that he still would check on me every time almost made me want to cry. He tilted his head slightly.

"Is he really that ugly?" he asked. I gawked at him.

Sometimes I just never knew what to say to this boy.

Once I came to my senses, I felt the corners of my lips twitch and the urge to cry came back tenfold. Sliding the door open completely, I tackled him into a hug, letting a few tears fall as I struggled between smiling and sobbing. I couldn't see his face, but I was sure my cousin was thoroughly confused.

"I love you, Toto." and it was proof of my love that I give him the same nickname as my sister. He never liked it very much—but it was better than _Tobi-kun_.

"Uh, yeah." He responded awkwardly, finally moving to hug me back. Tobirama wasn't very affectionate aside from holding my hand, but I wasn't normally either, so it was good enough for me.

"C'mon." he took my hand and tentatively pulled me back where the others were. I didn't want to, but I had to eventually. I couldn't just completely avoid Kawarama until he died. That would probably damage him emotionally somehow, knowing one of his cousins was actively avoiding him. And I was deluding myself, actually thinking that I wouldn't cry my eyes out when he died whether I was close to him or not. He was still my cousin, my dear, sweet baby cousin…

Tears started welling up in my eyes again. I knew that I would cry the minute I held him, because I would fall in love with him right away, just like I loved his brothers, but it wasn't the same. Kawarama wasn't safe to love because he had to die. Getting close to him was practically the equivalent of shooting myself in the foot, but it didn't seem like there was any way around it…

I never believed in fate before. I thought it was stupid, and an excuse not to try and direct your own life on the course that you wanted it to go. But here, I just felt so useless...

I had a tendency to forget that in this world, this time period was war-torn and had been for a very long time. There was no way my family members wouldn't die. But the fact that my cousin would die as a child was disgusting. This world was ugly.

Apparently the look on my face must have been rather unpleasant, because for the first time in a while I felt my uncle's eyes drilling a hole into me. I looked up and made eye contact for a second from across the room before blinking and looking away. Never will I understand why Tobirama tries so hard for that man.

Aunt Miya was awake again. Her hair was more limp than usual, she had bags under her eyes and she was covered in a layer of sweat that would undoubtedly come from pushing a baby out for a solid day. But she was still gorgeous. Kawarama had returned to her and she was beckoning me to come over; it looked like this time I couldn't refuse.

Tobirama looked at me as if asking if I needed him. Not wanting him to see me cry any more than he already has, I let go of his hand and joined his mother hesitantly.

"Hey," her voice sounded so tired. "We still love you just as much as before. Don't be sad." she said as she ran her fingers through my hair with her free hand.

Oh. She thought I was jealous because I'm not the baby anymore, and that's why I didn't want to hold him. If only she knew.

"…I know." I responded quietly, not knowing what else to say. I glanced warily at Kawarama who was cradled in her other arm.

"You can hold him. It's okay. He's a quiet baby." She moved him a bit closer to me and I looked at him worriedly. I reached out at a snail's pace until I had one hand behind his head and the other arm around him, strangely enough like I remembered doing often in my past life. And I'm sure I would've been able to keep my composure, too. If he hadn't been awake.

His eyes were the same as Tōka's and Hashirama's. He squinted a little bit, still trying to see despite his vision not being fully developed yet. He was real.

Aunt Miya had her right hand still resting on my back and I unintentionally ended up leaning into her. She put her arm around me while I clutched Kawarama close, and I cried without a sound.

We stayed like that for a few minutes until I managed to calm down. I was tempted to start again when Kawarama's tiny hand reached up to touch my face, and he unintentionally wiped my tears away—but thankfully I didn't. I took a deep breath and considered what to say.

"…Aunt Miya?" my voice was quiet. "You shouldn't have any more." She looked at me with curiosity and faint concern. But the concern was much more obvious on my expression than hers.

"Why not?" she asked. I held Kawarama tight and I couldn't look her in the eye, so I kept my gaze on the blanket in her lap. It was green.

"Because it was too hard for you and I don't want you to go away." I answered, trying to keep my voice from trembling. It didn't work. "My mom is gone so I need you."

To say that she was shocked might've been an understatement. The faint concern seemed to multiply and she gave me a horribly guilty look, looking as though she might cry herself. She pulled me closer to hold me and rest her head on top of mine. I felt something wet soak the top of my head, and I realized I actually did make her cry.

"I won't go away. I promise." She kissed the top of my head. I gave a quiet sigh.

_…I wish I could believe you._

And here I was, wedged between two people I cared about way too much who would both be dead in the next ten years. It was no doubt going to leave a big, gaping wound—but seeing as it was my decision to torture myself, I was the only one to blame.

* * *

The birthday of the clan heir was always a big affair for the Senju. Especially since Hashirama was probably the most _adored_ little boy in the entire clan. He was sweet, he was modest, he was talented, he was brave! Everyone had the highest of hopes for him, and even at his 6th birthday he was regarded as a future hero to all who would eventually be his people. They had faith in him for as long as he could remember, and he made a point to loudly promise to all of them that he would never let them down.

Although, there was only one person he couldn't seem to impress with just a flick of his wrist. And that was dear old dad.

Hashirama liked to refer to his father as a total hardass who really needed to work on his people skills. Of course, he would never say that to his face. But every now and then the words would slip out around his beloved younger brother, who would then proceed to scold him like a child for disrespecting their father.

But even Tobirama had to admit that his brother had a point. Hashirama definitely had something that their father lacked, which was clear even as a child. He had a certain charisma that made people want to be on his side—that made people want to follow him. There was a bustle around the clan members, who were almost excited at the prospect of fighting for him once he became the clan head. But with high hopes, came high expectations.

"Check this out, Tobirama!" he exclaimed as he grabbed a flat rock, tossing it with all his might across the shallow pond behind their house. Obviously there wasn't much water to skip over, so the younger brother wasn't entirely impressed when it actually managed to skip twice.

"When you get older, dad will teach you how to do it too. Just like the shuriken jutsu!" he proclaimed with gusto. He could tell that Tobirama was interested, but he was never quite as expressive as his older brother.

"It's just like the shuriken jutsu?" he asked. Hashirama gave a dramatic nod.

"Mmhmmm! It takes a lot of practice though, so if you want to impress dad when you start training, I guess I could show you how to do it now…" he said with a shrug, trying to be modest.

"It takes a lot of practice?" Tobirama asked, making his brother turn around to face him with his hands on his hips.

"Yeah! Why do you keep repeating what I say, huh?" he looked at him suspiciously. Tobirama gave him a look of confusion and pity.

"Nuka can skip rocks just like that, and she doesn't know the shuriken jutsu." He pointed out. Hashirama's eyes bugged slightly.

"Eh? Nuka-chan can do the shuriken jutsu?" he repeated in a daze.

"That's not what I said, but—" his statement was abruptly cut off as his troublesome sibling had grabbed him by the arm, and was now dragging him off to who knows where.

Tobirama was moderately annoyed at the way pretty much everyone stopped them to give Hashirama some kind of useless gift—and with nearly every Senju out and about, finding their baby cousin was not going to be an easy task. The fact that she was oddly good at hiding didn't help; if he wasn't so familiar with her chakra signature, he would probably have a hard time finding her too.

Sensing chakra was great and all, but the sheer amount of people made it nearly impossible for Tobirama to focus. He frowned.

"Excuse me, have you seen a girl about this tall, blonde hair, really pale?" Hashirama asked nearly everyone they passed. The adults just loved him and seemed to genuinely want to help, so they would pretend to think but Tobirama knew it was a waste of time, and he was starting to get impatient.

"Big brother, let's just check back home. She doesn't like crowds so she's probably inside." He coaxed, tugging him in the other direction. Hashirama's mouth made a perfect 'o' in realization, and he beamed at him.

"Oh, right! You're probably right." He relented, letting Tobirama pull him around this time.

"I'm always right." Hashirama nodded his head in agreement.

Nearing their own house, they picked up the pace mostly because Hashirama had too much energy and Tobirama didn't want to get dragged around since they were still holding hands. They asked the first person they saw if they had seen Nuka, and they were surprised to get an actual answer.

"Check in the back." The man answered in a gruff voice, pointing in the direction of their backyard. Shouting a quick thank you, Tobirama wondered if his brother even remembered why they were looking for her in the first place.

Throwing the back door open, Hashirama looked around, breathing heavy at this point. To their right stood their uncle leaning against the house, giving them a look of mixed amusement and surprise. A grin took over Hashirama's face and he ran to him, hugging the man's knees much to his confusion.

"Hi! Where's—oh!" he cut himself off when he saw his target only ten feet away. Her back was to them—what was she doing?

"Nuka-chan!" he yelled, running after her with half the intention to tackle her in a hug. When she turned around, he realized she was holding baby Kawarama and he skidded to a halt so suddenly he ended up falling. Tobirama watched the scene unfold in exasperation, whereas Nuka just looked a little shocked.

"H-Hashirama?" she sputtered, "…what are you doing on the ground?" he quickly got up and dusted himself off, bouncing back and shooting her a bright smile.

"I was going to hug you, but then I saw Kawarama…sorry there little guy," he apologized to the baby in her arms who just stared back. "Oh, uh, anyway…Tobirama, what was I going to say?" the boy in question slapped a hand to his forehead.

"Skipping rocks, stupid!" he reminded him in frustration. It took a few seconds for him to connect the dots, but then he remembered. Pointing a finger high to the sky, it eventually came back down to rest on the confused blonde in front of him who looked and felt more out of place by the minute.

"Nuka! Tobirama's told me that you know the shuriken jutsu!" he accused at the top of his lungs, grabbing the attention of a few in the area including her father who noticeably inclined his head. And as if she couldn't look any more confused, her eyebrows flew up and her jaw nearly dropped to the ground. She looked back and forth between the two in disbelief.

"How in the world would I know how to do that?" she replied like it was obvious. Tobirama grabbed his brother's arm and stepped in front of him before he could say anything dumber.

"Skipping rocks in the pond. You were really good at it, and it was the same technique." He explained, as logical as ever. Nuka's initial shock seemed to die down and she shifted her hold on his brother.

"Oh. Well I didn't know that." She said again, like it was obvious. "I was just skipping rocks."

The way she made it sound like the simplest thing in the world made the two boys give her shocked looks of their own.

"What? Is that weird?" she asked in a bit of a panicked tone when they just continued to stare. Hashirama narrowed his eyes and examined her, causing her to lean away uncomfortably.

"Hmm…I guess not! Nuka-chan, you're so cool!" he praised loudly, patting her on the back much to her embarrassment while Tobirama just continued staring. As did her father from a distance.

Her laugh was a nervous titter, slightly afraid of accepting compliments for something she couldn't explain how she knew how to do.

* * *

"Oh, Hashirama-kun, I got you a present." I mentioned, changing the topic as quickly as possible. And it obviously worked, seeing his eyes lit up even more at my words.

"Really?" he asked excitedly and I nodded, holding Kawarama out to him.

"Mhmm." I handed him over, "Here."

The biggest grin I think I'd ever seen took over his features as he held up his brother to the sky like he was a priceless artifact.

"Wow! You got me a baby brother!" Tobirama slapped both hands to his face in embarrassment and I couldn't stop myself from giggling.

"No dummy, I just wanted you to hold him so I could get your present." I explained as clearly as possible, digging through the small bag I was carrying. Hashirama seemed a little disappointed.

"Oh." He deflated, but only for a moment. "Great! I get a brother and a present!" he perked up immediately and I finally produced a scroll and held it out to him. He quickly handed off his brother to Tobirama and grabbed it, looking at it closely with interest.

"I heard you were practicing chakra control a lot, so there are lots of things in there that would help when you're not training with your dad." I explained. He opened it up in fascination, looking surprised at everything inside.

"Do you know how to read?" Tobirama asked his brother seriously, making him turn beet red.

"Yes I know how to read Tobirama!" he waved his arms around in frustration. He got over it quickly, rolling the scroll back up and turning to me, though his face was still a bit flushed. Instead of thanking me, Hashirama enveloped me in a bone-crushing hug that lifted me off the ground.

"You're the coolest, Nuka-chan!" he declared, setting me back down. I pulled the sleeve of my kimono down over my hand and coughed a few times. By this point both boys were used to it and not as jumpy about my well-being, though Hashirama's hugs I could only seem to handle in moderation.

"You're welcome." I responded when I was done. I could feel my cheeks heating up at the way he was beaming at me, and I averted my eyes. Intent on avoiding both Hashirama's eyes, and my fathers', they eventually ended up back on my other two cousins. He must've noticed how the look in my eye changed slightly when I looked at Kawarama; my oldest cousin then grabbed my hand, surprising me a little.

"You really like him now, huh?" he voiced his observation. It made me a little nervous how it implied that I didn't always like him, but I stuck a smile on my face anyway and hoped that wasn't what he meant.

"I love Kawarama," I answered, "He's quiet and his hair is kinda the same color as mine."

Thinking of typical toddler responses wasn't as hard as it used to be. I wasn't really sure how long I could keep it up, though—in a world plagued with constant war, I _think_ children have a tendency to grow up pretty fast, but it was hard to say when I really didn't know that many people.

Hashirama was incredibly easy to distract. He gasped, as if the connection was a life changing revelation.

"Woah, you're right! He could almost be your brother, Nuka-chan!" he exclaimed. I smiled—his attitude was contagious and impossible not to love.

"He's got your eyes though!" Hashirama leaned over his baby brother, confirming that the nearly black eyes were indeed the same as his own.

"Yeah…yours are the same as Tobirama's though, but you're not our sister." He mused out loud, a thoughtful finger placed on his chin. A weird look crossed his features and before I knew it, he had me in a hug again. It wasn't too tight and painful like Hashirama's hugs normally were though, which had me confused.

"I wish you and Tōka were my sisters," he continued quietly, "I would protect you from anything, ever!"

I blinked, momentarily speechless at his declaration. I almost wanted to cry, but I resisted the urge and hugged him back. I couldn't remember the last time anyone had ever said anything that touching to me, so it was hard to think of an adequate response.

"Ah…," I hesitated, "…but you'll still protect us from anything even if we're not, right?" he let go of me and gave me a big grin.

"Of course! And Tobirama will too!" the younger brother's eye twitched, and I gave him a teasing smile.

"Why don't you ever say stuff like that, Toto?" he blinked, looking mildly uncomfortable.

"...I can protect you from anything too." He said quietly. Hashirama trapped him in a headlock.

"It doesn't count if I already said it!"

"Hey, I'm holding a baby, knock it off!"

I looked at them fondly. It was hard not to love them. So why was I so hesitant to?

I was getting so attached to these people that it scared me. Maybe it wasn't the connection that scared me, but…

The same feeling that I felt when Kawarama was born came back. What was it that scared me? The future? The brief vision—or whatever you call it—I had could hardly be considered the future. A possibility, sure, but it just wasn't possible to know the future. It wasn't.

The frustration that came with thinking about it always made me want to cry. I wanted to know why I saw the things I did, why I felt so familiar with all these people and yet _so _out of place.

And every time I thought I was close to learning the answer, it would just slip right through my fingers again.

Breaking me out of my thoughts was the sound of someone calling my name. I looked around for the source, and eventually my eyes came to rest on my father. He stood by the house like he had been since I decided to take Kawarama outside, and he was standing next to a wrinkled old woman who had to be at least in her eighties. Her robes were nice enough to assume she had to be important—and if that was the case, I had a feeling I knew exactly who she was.

The boys seemed to be too preoccupied with their own bickering to notice me slip away, so I left and hurried to my father's side, forcing myself not to wrinkle my nose in distaste at the woman. Father offered me a kind smile, leaning down a bit so I could hear him.

"Nuka, this is Chizuka-sama, one of our clan's elders. She's a very important person." He introduced her to me. I was not surprised to see that the stern look never left her face, nor did she offer a smile or friendly look of any sort.

"Hello." I greeted neutrally, giving a bow that would be considered decent for toddler as short as myself. I had to practically break my neck to make eye contact with her, but when I did I could tell she was almost visibly surprised.

"She's one of your sister's teachers. When you think you're ready, she's going to be your teacher too. How does that sound?" Father asked. I looked at him, and then back at her, forcing a cheerful smile on my face.

"That sounds okay," I agreed in as pleasant a manner as possible. She looked taken aback, whereas my father looked incredibly pleased. Chizuka faltered and seemed to fumble with her words for a very brief moment.

"…perhaps there's a bit more hope for that one." She adjusted her glasses, "Do keep that up. Perhaps she can teach her shrew of a sister some manners." she commented, turning to walk the other way.

A _shrew. _Really?

"Excuse me," I grabbed her robes and she stopped, raising her eyebrows, "My sister is not a shrew."

Her good first impression of me seemed to drain from her face, and she scowled.

"Oh? What is she, then?" she challenged, leaning down as if she thought I was below her. I wanted to slap her.

"She's my best friend and a good sister. She would listen to you more if you stopped bullying her."

I wasn't really used to confronting people, so I was sure I sounded a lot more confident than I felt. I kept eye contact the entire time, waiting for her to hit me or something. I'd seen Tōka come home plenty of times with a bruise on her face; father may have healed her every time, but I just wasn't content letting my sister get blatantly insulted.

"We'll see about that. I suggest you learn how to bite your tongue."

She turned around with a huff, walking away looking as haughty as ever. I hesitantly glanced up at father, and was surprised to see what looked like a genuine smile on his face.

"Uh, sorry." I apologized, not really knowing what else to say. He crouched down to my level, putting a hand fondly on my head.

"No, you did the right thing. Defending your family should come first, before anything else." I smiled at him.

"Okay." I agreed, nodding my head.

"But you know…," he started thoughtfully, "You're an awfully good actress. You were very polite, and I know you don't like her." I gave him a surprised look and he winked at me.

I blinked, shaking off my surprise when I realized he must just be poking fun at me. Grinning, I poked him in the nose.

"You're good at it too, papa." He chuckled. His smile seemed to grow and I noticed he was looking over my shoulder. Confused, I started turning around only to get tackled by a purple blob with a head of dark hair—it was Tōka.

"I love you," she mumbled into my shirt. She sounded unusually quiet and I started to worry almost immediately.

"Are you okay?" I asked. She lifted her head away from my shoulder where it was buried, and it almost looked like she had been crying if it weren't for the big grin on her face.

"Uh huh. You—uh," she paused to dry her eyes, "Th-thanks for standing up to that old witch for me." I gave a small sigh.

"Oh." I said, smiling back at her, "I love you too!"

I hugged her back, feeling rather proud of myself for having the guts to stand up for her. I had been so preoccupied with myself for the longest time, that I never realized I hardly did anything for her or my cousins.

"_Atsura!" _I jumped at the sound of my uncle's harsh voice. My father quickly stood back up, meeting him halfway as he stormed over in our direction. He spoke with a sense of urgency I surprisingly had yet to see in him. It was a little startling, but I was thankful my sister was still holding onto me.

"What are they saying?" Tōka whispered to me, and I shook my head. I couldn't hear them. Father responded quickly enough, hurrying back to my sister and I for a split second.

"You two stay with your aunt tonight, alright? I have a mission to go on, don't worry, it won't take long." He hurriedly explained, shooting us one last smile before disappearing. Tōka and I gave each other the same confused look, and she seemed to deflate at how quickly he left.

Looking around, I noticed a select few men in the area leaving just as quickly. Something was happening.

It couldn't be an attack, I figured, because so few people were leaving. Not that I really knew anything about war strategy or anything of the sort—but I would assume that if it was a big deal, Butsuma wouldn't have chosen my father and a select few others to go. I _did _know for a fact that my father was not a front-line fighter, but a support medic who specialized in genjutsu which I _thought _would keep him placed a good distance away from the enemy at all times.

So…he should be fine. Right?

"Those other guys that left are always in papa's squad." My sister chimed in. What?

"They are?" she nodded yes, "Oh. So what does that mean?"

"I dunno. Someone probably needs help." It made sense… but not really.

"But…isn't everyone already here? For Hashirama?"

It was his birthday, after all, and I thought I'd heard some adults mention the entire clan being present. Which is normally pretty dangerous, I guess, in case of another attack on the compound—but if that happened, it would mean that the enemy knew about Hashirama, which according to my uncle, they didn't.

I was thinking too hard about it, I knew, but since my father was directly involved I liked to think I had a good reason to be overly curious.

"…I'm gonna go get Kawarama." I decided, detaching myself from Tōka and making my way back over to my cousins. They seemed to have noticed their father's behavior as well, and stopped fighting to ponder what might be going on. I smiled easily at them, asking Tobirama if I could have him back to take him inside. He didn't argue—it looked like his baby brother had fallen asleep anyway.

I wanted to go inside and ask if Aunt Miya knew what was going on. If she didn't, well then I would just enjoy her company anyway. I liked her.

Glancing down at Kawarama, I smiled at how cute he was. Then I was caught off guard at how quickly all the women inside were rushing around—what?

I weaved my way around, trying to stay out of their way as much as possible. Being so short was annoying, and it was hard to stay out of the way and look for my aunt at the same time. Turning into the part of the compound I knew my cousins lived, the women came less frequently and I started wishing I had brought Tobirama with me.

"Oh, Nuka." Well, never mind. I guess I didn't need him. With a sigh of relief, I turned around to see my lovely aunt had stumbled upon me first.

"Hi," I greeted quickly, sort of in a rush to get to the point, "Do you know what's happening?" I asked. She didn't seem too surprised. Crouching down to my level, she gave me an understanding smile.

"There are some people in trouble, so your papa's just going to help them. You don't have to worry." She reassured me. I wasn't really worried though, that was the thing. I knew he would be fine, I just really wanted to know details of what was happening—but of course, no one would tell that to an almost three year old girl. That was silly.

"When is he coming back?" I asked, knowing fully well that he would give me the details I wanted. He never talked to me like I was a baby when I asked questions myself.

"He'll be back by the morning. It's okay, I miss him too." I blinked.

I felt rather out of place with her comforting me like that. I didn't really feel like I needed comforting in the first place. It's almost like she expected me to start crying or something because I wanted my daddy.

Time for your typical toddler response.

"Why?" I asked. She blinked, probably not knowing what to say.

"Because, your papa's my friend. I worry about him when he's gone, too."

I hated myself for this but I knew I would never be able to get away with it again, so I did it anyway.

"Why?" I repeated. She smiled, obviously the very patient type who could probably do this all day.

"Because I don't want him to get hurt." She answered.

"Why?"

"Because I love your papa, just like you do." What? My eyes widened considerably. She couldn't really mean that.

"You love him like a daddy?" I had to get her to re-word what she said in some way, and she just chuckled.

"Of course not. I love him like I would love a very close friend." I suddenly felt a wave of nausea come over me and I paused.

"…Like my mom did?" my voice must've sounded nervous, because her smile turned to a look of concern. She hesitated, and that was all the answer I needed.

"…I don't think anyone could lo—,"

"Here," I gave her my cousin quickly, running off to go get sick again. She was just going to dodge the question again anyway.

My aunt just told me that she loved my father. She didn't deny anything—what kind of position could that put him in? She was the clan head's _wife._ Those words never should have left her mouth, what if someone else had heard?

I don't know how long I was in there. Normally after a while I'd at least start to feel better, but the sick feeling just wouldn't go away this time. A few tears ran down my face that I hardly noticed—I had never felt like I was actually dying this much. I was wobbly trying to stand up, but somehow I managed and I stumbled out of the room and into the next one I came across.

It was my cousin's room. I ended up falling into one of their futons, and I didn't really care which one; I hardly felt like I was even alive at this point. I didn't even notice I was crying until I felt the wetness under my cheek.

What was the point? I was going to die anyway, wasn't I? They just didn't want to tell me. Because I was just a _baby, _and I couldn't handle it. They just wanted to say I had a chance so I wouldn't want to give up.

But I wasn't just a baby. I wasn't, but at this point, the red-hot pain in my lungs was so intense that I'd never felt more like a helpless child in my entire life.

.

* * *

**A/N: **Aaaaaand there you have it. Chapter four. This story is officially about to start going somewhere! Hooray.

I don't have as much to say about this one as I thought I did, but oh well! Oh, but there is one thing—this story _will _become semi-AU, eventually, I just have yet to put that into my little summary. Whoops, I'll get there someday. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed, and favorited. I love you!

.


	5. Chapter 5

**A Match Into Water / 5**

**.**

She could still hear the loud ringing in her ears from the explosion that had blown her away. It was funny, though, how she didn't even remember the explosion itself. She didn't remember anything.

Black dominated her entire field of vision. Was she even awake? Everything was cold, and her body numb…

There was no self-awareness. She could see nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing. The ringing was lost in the dark infinity, and now she simply existed.

Maybe she was dead. Was this what it felt like? She had heard that death was infinitely less painful than life—but she was at a loss even as to what that was like. There were no memories of being alive.

What does it take to be alive? In order to be alive, you have to breathe, and to breathe you have to…

Oxygen was abruptly forced into her body, or lack thereof, sending white-hot pain rippling through her. Suddenly she could feel everything. Her body—she had one. And the pain, it was everywhere…

It was hot. It was really, _really _hot.

She was sure she had screamed a fair amount, but it's not like she could hear it. Everything hurt, but the darkness had yet to disperse, and it seemed to cloud all of her other senses.

Until she started to hear the ringing again. It was loud, too loud, but for a moment it almost managed to distract her from the pain. The dreadful ringing continued for who knows how long—when it started to sound distorted, like it was turning into something else. What was it?

"…ore…nerv…amaged…ust…kid…" Voices. People were talking. About what?

The voices kept changing so fast she couldn't hope to keep up. But there were people talking around her, what did that mean? That she was alive?

If she was, that meant she could move. Her entire body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, but she knew she must have succeeded with at least a twitch of the finger—she heard the voices respond, as if they had seen it.

Next she tried her eyes. Would she even be able to see if she opened them, or was she blind?

Only one of them would move. There was an intense light as she willed it to open—she clenched it shut again, only to blink a few times in an attempt to adjust to the light. There was a dark blob right above her. She continued to blink in hopes her vision would clear, but it never did.

"Can…ear me?" the voice sounded far away, "Can you hear me?" she finally heard over the ringing.

In all her efforts to see and to hear, she found that she couldn't remember how to talk. Her vocal chords didn't seem to want to work, so she blinked a few times in response.

"Just stay calm. We're taking care of you." It said—was it a man? She supposed it could've been a woman with very short hair, but the voice simply sounded too distorted to tell. Moving her head turned out to not be an option, so she couldn't see what they were doing either. They stayed firmly hovering over her until she heard another voice. Too far away.

"sura…ter…ot doing well,"

She found that she didn't really care what they said. But whatever it was made the person above her pause. To her dismay, they got up and left, replaced by another person.

_What? No, come back, I need help… _

She had never felt so scared. Of what, though? Even she found that she couldn't remember the answer to that.

* * *

It was about midnight when the Senju brothers retired for the day. They both practically had to lean on each other on the way in, so not to fall over—their mother would certainly not be happy they stayed up so late. Hashirama clumsily opened the door to their room, and they both made a bee-line and collapsed onto their beds.

Tobirama was confused when he nearly hit something. He didn't even notice—there was already a lump under the covers, and he pulled it back to see the dark blonde head of his cousin.

"Nuka," he was relieved it was just her and not something else. Too tired to care, he curled up right next to her and nearly fell asleep on the spot.

He wasn't typically the type to enjoy sleeping with other people, but there was something about it that he could admit was nice. It was easy to fall asleep listening to them breathing, as it was quiet, steady, and—

Strained. Uneven.

Tobirama blinked his eyes open. He sat up quickly, pulling back the covers and looking at his youngest cousin.

Her arms were wrapped around herself like they would be if she was doubled over in pain. He leaned closer to listen, and his stomach turned to knots.

It didn't sound like she was suffocating, necessarily, but she was very obviously struggling to breathe. He looked over to his brother—already unconscious and drooling. Great.

Doing something like this himself was nerve-wracking, but he knew he had to start somewhere. Eventually he wouldn't be able to rely on his brother for help at every corner. Picking her up, Tobirama quickly left his room in search for help. But—

He stopped. Her dad was gone on a mission. Fabulous.

There were plenty of other medics in this family. And he knew where they'd be, so that's where he went. It was late, and Tobirama became slightly more worried when he saw people still bustling around the area as if the medics were already preoccupied. They had an infirmary of sorts, where everyone seemed to be going to and from—he was officially annoyed. Whoever was in there, his cousin was more important.

"Hey!" he tried getting the attention of one of the women walking out. Thankfully she stopped. He was the son of the clan head, after all. It just wouldn't be right for someone to disregard him.

"Yes?" she answered quickly, obviously in a rush. Fortunately, so was he.

"My cousin can't breathe. Can you help her?" her eyes widened in recognition.

"Oh! Yes, here," she moved to take her away, "I'll take care of her from here, thank you." She gave him a bright smile that he didn't return. Why would she smile? His cousin was obviously in pain.

"Thank you." He replied neutrally. He saw her take Nuka into the other room—his brow furrowed for a moment seeing how many people were already in there. The door shut behind her, but he was a little too curious so he cracked it open again.

There were five or six people in there he didn't recognize, that he could only assume must have been mortally wounded. His nose wrinkled at the smell—a mix of blood, disinfectant, and something else he couldn't place. And that woman just freely took his cousin in there? Even he wouldn't be able to breathe with that smell wafting around.

One of them he noticed was much younger than the rest. Her hair was jet-black, and he almost felt sick when he saw the burns that covered her body. She didn't look any older than he was.

So as of right now he had only two questions: What happened to these people, and why are we helping them? Not implying that Tobirama _wouldn't _want to help them, but he understood they were in a war. These people weren't Senju, so what did they stand to gain? His father wasn't just a compassionate soul that simply _helps people because they need it. _

"Is my sister in there?"

Tobirama jumped at the voice. Oh, it was just Tōka.

She looked tired and worried, probably just like he did. He was a little annoyed that he hadn't sensed her directly behind him.

"Yeah." He confirmed. Tōka walked around him to peek through the door. She took one whiff and put her hand over her nose in disgust.

"_Yuck_," she cringed, "…who are those people?" Tobirama shook his head.

"I don't know. Not Senju." He guessed. The two of them continued peering into the room for a while, both having few theories as to who it could be. Tobirama pulled her back suddenly, and the door opened to reveal his uncle, carrying Nuka who was now awake, though she looked visibly drained. He whispered something to her before handing her over to Tōka, who had her arms out already as if she wanted to carry her. She and Tobirama both glanced at her before looking back to her father.

"One of you tell Miyako that she's sick and needs to come back in the morning, alright?" the two children exchanged worried looks, "She'll be okay. Just go back to sleep."

His voice was calm and comforting, and he gave them a reassuring smile. With a nod, they left back to where they came.

Tobirama's uncle always gave him an odd feeling. The way he acted with his cousins was so drastically different than the way his own father acted. It wasn't as if he was jealous—more like he just never knew how to act around him. His own father never smiled so easily at him, whereas this man seemed to find just about everything he looked at worth smiling at. They were just polar opposites, and it always threw him for a loop. He looked over at his cousins.

Nuka was awake, but the look in her eye was so far away that Tōka wasn't even sure if she would respond if they tried talking to her. She had never seen her baby sister look so much like she wanted to give up. And she seemed so happy earlier that day…

Tōka felt a tickle in her nose as her eyes started welling up. She just wanted Nuka to be happy and alive, but right now she hardly looked like either of those things.

"…you're gonna be okay, Nuka, I promise," she whispered, "Papa won't let you be sick forever."

Nuka didn't respond, but she buried her face further into her sister's shirt, holding her tighter. Tobirama looked over in concern, and they paused when they got back to his and his brother's room.

"I'll talk to my mom." He said, parting ways with them from there. He sighed, walking off to his parent's room.

His mother was in there alone. She typically was.

'_Your father's on a mission,' _or '_He's just a little late tonight,' _was how she normally explained his absence. There were many a time where he and Hashirama slept in her bed with her, because his brother always thought she seemed lonely whenever their father was gone.

"Mom?" he called quietly. She was lying down as if she was asleep, but her chakra was still humming as if she were awake. He heard a sigh from her, and she sat up slowly.

"Tobirama," she answered softly, looking at him as if she was relieved to see him. He felt a pang of guilt—his brother was probably right. He crawled up next to her and she ran a hand through his hair.

"You shouldn't be up so late. Aren't you tired?" she asked.

"Yeah, but," he paused to yawn, "Uncle Atsu said to tell you to bring Nuka to the infirmary tomorrow. She got really sick today."

His mother gave a guilty look and averted her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she gave him a tired smile.

"Okay. Okay," she agreed, "We'll make sure she's okay."

Tobirama looked at her for a moment. Something was bothering her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, turning the subject to her. She opened her mouth and then closed it, as if she was surprised by the question.

"I'm okay. I just…," she paused, holding him closer, "I just want you and your brother to know that I love you no matter what happens, okay?"

He looked at her, confused yet concerned.

"…Okay." He hugged her back, and with a quiet hesitation added, "…I love you too."

Tobirama held her tighter. Something was going to happen.

* * *

"Papa?"

"Hmmm," he mumbled in response.

"Am I dying?"

He stopped what he was doing. The disconcerted look was there—a look he commonly but rarely openly gave his youngest daughter.

"No, Nuka," he answered patiently, "You're not dying. Did someone tell you that you were?"

"No," her response was flat and neutral, "It just feels like it."

"You shouldn't know what it feels like to be dying." He said quietly. She was just a child, still just his _baby, _and the last thing he wanted was for her to feel like that.

His comment was an innocent observation from a father's point of view—but Nuka seemed momentarily shocked, snapping her head to the side to look away from him. She didn't want him to see the slight horror that came over her eyes; she knew he would notice, because he always did.

"Who are those other people?"

She looked around. The room smelled disgusting, but by this time the worst of it had subsided and most of the strange people that lived seemed to be patched up as well as they could be. The blood had been cleaned up, along with any other wastes and what she almost thought were _actual_ body parts.

"We're not sure yet. They sent out a distress signal, so we went to help them." he explained simply with a smile. Nuka gave him a flat look and just stared at him. He chuckled, realizing she didn't believe him, but offered no other explanation.

"Are they our allies?" she prodded. The smile never left his face.

"They will be soon." Her mouth made an 'o' like it finally made sense. Of course, her dear uncle would never do favors like that without any sort of compensation.

"You're the brightest little girl I've ever met, Nuka." Her father complimented adoringly. In response, her face turned a light shade of red and she looked away as if the praise made her uncomfortable. Then she turned her big red eyes back to him, and reached for him as if suddenly everything else made her uncomfortable.

With a quiet laugh, he picked her up. With a hand on her back, he sent healing chakra into her lungs like he had been for most of that morning. At first, he was hesitant about keeping her in that room with people that were in as bad of shape as they were—but, like always, she surprised him by being eerily tolerant of it and only really bothered by the smell. Her head was tucked into the crook of his neck, but her eyes were stuck on the body at the furthest end of the room. It was the smallest, and it almost looked the worst condition-wise.

"That's just a kid." She pointed out, feeling a little nauseous at the fact.

"Hmm," his smile faded, "She didn't look any older than you."

She look mildly perturbed. It was a girl.

"They make girls fight too?" she looked nervous.

"We don't think they were fighting. There was no one else around, so they might have just been travelling and walked into a trap."

"Oh."

The girl was wrapped up nearly head to toe, so there were virtually no distinguishable features visible. Except for her hair—which was pitch-black and short, and the ends looked as if they'd been singed off. Nuka wiggled out of her father's arms, and hesitantly made her way towards the girl. Leaning over her, Nuka noticed she wasn't _completely _a mummy…but she was covered in bandages everywhere but her right eye.

"Did she get burned?" she asked, noticing her scorched hair. Her father smiled at her again.

"Mhmm. A lot of burns." He crouched down to their level, "She'll be okay though."

"Can I help?" she asked suddenly, and he looked at her surprised.

"You want to?" he asked, before grinning at her again, "I can teach you medical ninjutsu, if that's what you want."

His personal space was abruptly invaded as she almost literally jumped at the offer.

"Yeah!" she exclaimed, and quickly calmed down at the obvious surprise on his face, "Please." She added more quietly. Beaming at his youngest daughter, he put a hand on her head and ruffled her now shoulder-length blond locks.

"I'll teach you, but I don't think we can start on a person quite yet." He explained, "You'll have to start learning with small animals." Nuka's smile faded.

"Where do we get those?" she asked. Her father poked her on the nose.

"You have to learn how to trap them." she scowled.

"How?" she prodded, and he laughed.

"Don't be so impatient. Come on." He stood up, grabbing her hand and leading her out of the infirmary.

Sliding the door open, the two then came face to face with a familiar pair of red eyes—Miyako.

She jumped, and Atsura tensed up as if neither expected to run into the other. Nuka's face scrunched up at the coincidence. Her father opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but closed it when he couldn't find any words.

"Oh! Atsu," she grinned at him and then glanced at Nuka, "I was just coming to check on Nuka."

Nuka was sure that it looked like innocent concern to her father—but when the woman turned to her, she saw there was guilt in her eyes from the previous night as well. What Nuka wanted to do was look away and ignore her, but instead she decided to grin up at her like she didn't have a care in the world.

"I'm okay." She confirmed, looking all too happy. Miyako looked astonished at the drastic mood change.

"O-oh. Really?" she asked in disbelief, pausing to collect herself, "Thank goodness. I'm so relieved."

Atsura looked back and forth between them in mild confusion. The older woman looked genuinely relieved—but he knew a fake smile on his daughter better than he knew them on himself. Putting on a smile of his own—real or fake, he couldn't tell anymore—he nodded.

"Yes, perfectly fine." He answered shortly. He was sure he looked visibly nervous, but thankfully she didn't seem to notice. She bent down in the slightest, giving Nuka the loving smile he was sure her real mother would've given her in excess.

"You'll come back soon, won't you? Kawarama-kun is sure going to miss you." Nuka's smile didn't falter.

"Uh huh." She nodded animatedly. Atsura's eye twitched—this had to be an act. His youngest daughter simply wasn't that enthusiastic a person.

Much to his distress, Miyako seemed to want an actual conversation with him. The unusually perceptive blonde at his side didn't do very much to calm his nerves. The adults exchanged words, and Nuka looked around as if she was interesting in everything _but _the conversation.

Atsura agreed with everything she said in an attempt to end the conversation as quickly as possible, and afterwards found himself outside, finally leaving the suffocating confines of the main house. He took deep breaths as quietly as he could manage—but of course, he was caught in the act.

"You looked really nervous, dad." He tensed up. Looking down, he saw a big fat grin on Nuka's face.

Who in the world taught her how to do that? That just _had_ to be fake.

"Did I?" he threw one back at her, "Are you mad at aunt Miya?"

Her expression faltered—he was better at this than her.

"No," she lied, and an amused look took its place, "Are you scared of her? Your hands are all sweaty."

"Brat," he picked her up and slung her over his shoulder, beaming all the while.

* * *

Roughly six months had passed without incident. Atsura took his daughters to the main house almost religiously.

Despite his initial reluctance, wanting to keep his distance from the clan head's wife at any costs, he found it to be an impossible task. Mostly because, A – he could never stop thinking about her, and B – he was baffled at the way his youngest daughter interacted with her. It was as if the two of them spoke a different language completely.

Nuka could enter a room with her as happy as can be, and exit the room with a scowl just as quickly as she came in. The white haired woman, for some reason, was always walking on glass when it came to her, and Atsura couldn't figure out why for the life of him. He continued to visit with them more and more often in hopes he could find the answers just by watching.

Miyako's reactions were equally as interesting. Upsetting her niece proved to upset her twice as much; Atsura had no doubt that it was Nuka's strong resemblance to her mother that gave her that emotional influence over her aunt. And it was strange; it almost seemed as if Nuka was aware of that fact and was actively _using _it to her advantage. Miyako would do anything she asked without hesitation—almost like she was trying to win her over—but even then, she seemed to underestimate Nuka's uncanny ability to understand what was happening around her.

There was one day that she was having a casual conversation with the girl's father. Casual, as in, the tension that could normally be cut with a knife was for once not present; she had laughed at something he had said, and touched him lightly on the shoulder.

Nuka was with her sister on the other side of the room, but she could feel her eyes turn into a red glare at the sight. She refused to speak to her aunt for nearly a week.

To Miyako, it was simply _unnerving _how careful she had to act around a four year old girl. Atsura never seemed to have any explanation for how adult and aware she was, other than a dismissive '_she's very smart for her age.'_

She almost felt as if the child was just waiting for her to make a mistake. Like she wanted a reason to be upset with her. There were days that the look in her eyes was simply too knowing, and too mature to possibly be the eyes of a young girl; Miyako often felt like she was looking at a ghost.

Atsura didn't want to tell her that he felt the same way. He was afraid it would bring up all those old feelings. For her _sister. _He nearly laughed every time he thought about it; as if Miyako didn't bring those feelings to the surface just by existing.

He never knew what to do when his daughters wanted to stay the night at the main house. They wanted to more and more frequently as they got older. Typically, he would escape as quickly as possible once Miyako was finished talking to him—not daring to wait for the inevitable offer to stay. It made him nervous the way she spoke to him, like she was so much more at ease with him than her own husband.

Although he couldn't deny that pretty much the entire clan was more comfortable with him than their actual leader. And Butsuma was always gone, always busy.

But he couldn't pity her, he couldn't sympathize with her, and he certainly couldn't be her shoulder to lean on.

Atsura took a deep breath as he moved to slide the front door open, more than ready to make his escape. He jolted at the sound of shuffling feet. Turning his head, he looked over his shoulder, and there she was.

"Where are you going?"

He stopped breathing. She took a few tentative steps towards him, and he backed away before he could even register what he was doing. She looked at him, worried and confused.

"You don't have to go." She continued quietly. Turning away from her felt physically painful.

"I do have to." He managed to reply. He couldn't look at her. Sliding the door open in one quick motion, he forced himself to take a step out—a step that was halted when he felt a hand gripping his shoulder.

Miyako had one had on his shoulder and the other in his hand, and Atsura found himself looking at her before he could stop himself. Her eyes were red, just like her sister's, and she looked like she was almost ready to cry.

"Please don't go."

Atsura forgot how to speak, and his thoughts were a convoluted mess. With both of her hands encasing his arm, he felt weak and rather helpless as she gently tugged him back inside. Realizing that this time he couldn't get away, his other arm moved on its own, pulling the door shut behind him.

…

* * *

Another three months passed.

Nuka sighed, shaking her head at the telltale thud of her sister and cousins hitting the ground. It was mostly just Tōka and Tobirama falling, though; his older brother had long perfected the art of tree-walking. Anyone could tell, by the way he stood perpendicular to the tree with his hands on his hips and a big victorious grin on his face.

Nuka just thought he looked like a huge dork. Especially in those big pants that every male Senju seemed to wear.

Kawarama held onto her hands, sitting on his butt directly across from her. He was still a bit too young to be walking, but Nuka continued to help him, feeling rather useless just sitting and watching the others 'train'. She pulled him up again, for about the billionth time, and helped keep him steady for a moment before letting him go. He managed to stay standing for a while, albeit on incredibly shaky legs before he collapsed onto her.

"Kawarama walked!" she heard an overdramatic gasp from Hashirama, followed by a thud. Nuka sighed.

"Not really, but—," Hashirama trapped her and his brother in a death grip.

"You're such a good teacher, Nuka!" he exclaimed, "In fact…" he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and lifted his other hand up as if to tell her a secret.

"I'll teach you how to walk up trees if you teach Tobirama the shuriken jutsu!" he whispered loudly. Nuka couldn't help but snort at the request.

"But I don't know the shuriken jutsu Hashi-_ahh!_" he linked his arms with hers, dragging her away over to the others. She hardly had time to think before she wrapped her free arm around Kawarama, dragging him along as well instead of dropping him.

"Skipping rocks is different, big brother." Tobirama chimed in ever-so helpfully. Tōka's eyes became wide as dinner plates.

"Why didn't you ever tell me you knew how to do that?!" she asked me incredulously. Tobirama slapped a hand to his forehead, and Nuka groaned.

"Because I don't—," Her sister then ran up to her, grabbing her by the shoulders.

"I'll teach you to walk up trees instead!" she exclaimed, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her to the closest tree.

"Tōka, Nuka can't be a shinobi anyway." Tobirama cut in.

"Yeah huh! She's going to be a medic-nin, my dad said so! Right, Nuka?" she asked, turning everyone's eyes to her sister. The blonde blinked and looked away, annoyed at the attention.

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah." She admitted dismissively, "Do I need to learn how to walk on trees?"

"Not really," Tobirama replied, "Unless you want to be a field medic, but you probably shouldn't be."

"That's so cool!" Hashirama invaded her bubble once again, "Nuka, you should ask uncle Atsu if he can teach me too!" he exclaimed, much to her and Tobirama's surprise.

"Really? You want to?" she smiled, excited at the prospect of spending more time with her oldest cousin. His father dragged him away so often for 'training' that he had less and less free time the older he got. He may be a little _too _energetic at times, but he was such a big sweetheart and it was truly impossible not to love him.

"Oh yeah!" he agreed without hesitation. Tobirama looked like he was ready to object again somehow, but he just sighed and decided to drop it.

Nuka agreed without hesitation. Throwing his arm around her shoulders, Hashirama started rambling about how they would make the greatest medic duo that ever lived and how the two of them would be able to save anyone no matter what their condition. Her eyes gleamed after every word, and for the first time in a while, Nuka felt incredibly hopeful. There was something about Hashirama that made her want to believe every word he said—and so she did.

"So even if you're not a regular shinobi, you can still be on our team since you'll be a kick-ass medic! I will be too, so I'll be able to heal myself. And you can heal everyone else." He decided with a thoughtful look. Nuka looked at him dubiously.

"E-everyone?" her smile looked unsure. Hashirama's, on the other hand, did not.

"Don't worry, you'll be great!" he assured her. Nuka turned slightly red at the amount of faith he had in her, but in a way it only made her feel more pressured to be that good.

"Actually, I can ask uncle Atsu myself too! My dad said he's taking me on my first mission!" He declared, crossing his arms, obviously feeling cool for going on missions. Nuka's smile faded.

"He is?" she asked, her voice going quiet. Looking over to the others, she saw his excitement was mirrored on her sister's face and worry was etched all over Tobirama's.

"Yeah! My very first mission…I can't wait!" He looked like a rocket ready to take off.

A wave of nausea passed over Nuka very suddenly, almost making her double over. She sucked in a deep breath and straightened up, plastering on as much of smile as she could muster.

"…I'm sure you'll do great." She encouraged quietly. Tobirama shot her a knowing look and her smile quickly fell.

"And then once we get older we can all go on missions together! You, me, Tobirama, Tōka, Kawarama, _and_ our new baby brother!"

Nuka paled about twenty shades.

"Your what?"

.

* * *

**A/N: **Yikes. Chapter 5...not sure how I feel about it haha. I feel like I jumped around way too much this time and it was just all over the place. Let me know what you think? It would be much appreciated.

Also hooray for vaguely half-welcoming a new character! We'll meet her again soon. She'll even have a name. Nothing like adding another perspective on top of the 6+ characters I'm juggling already. :-)

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favorited, etc!


	6. Chapter 6

**A Match Into Water / 6**

**.**

Once again, the Senju clan was gathered in a quiet celebration. It was no one's birthday—but it had finally been announced that another child was going to grace the head family. The clan's matriarch officially had 6 months left.

Both Miyako and Butsuma stood together, accepting every handshake and wish of good luck. Even the latter had managed to crack a smile a fair amount of times, much to his wife's approval and relief. She thankfully managed to conceal a good amount of her nerves; she was sure, though, that anyone unusually perceptive would be able see right through her.

Her apprehension was shared by many of the clansmen. Not for the same reasons, but there was certainly an elephant in the room that was acknowledged in whispers by, for the most part, older women. Under the guise of every cheerful '_congratulations' _was a concern that was always left unspoken.

"_It took her an entire day to have her last boy."_

"_She's lost an awful lot of weight since then, too…"_

The whispers never seemed to end. Miyako didn't seemed to be bothered by them; her health was not her biggest concern. She continued looking around, having yet to see the one person she had truly been hoping to see.

Butsuma never particularly paid much attention to her quirks, but her edginess didn't go unnoticed. Surely she just wanted to see the joy on her niece's faces at the news; those two were the closest she had to daughters, and Butsuma supposed he could say the same. Although they were not technically _his _blood, they were incredibly close with his sons and his wife—so much that even the clan elders could acknowledge that in a way, they had their place in the head family.

His oldest niece, Tōka—she was interesting, to say the least. Atsura had told him many a time that she had little interest in learning her duty as a female, and a shocking amount of interest in the shinobi arts. It was his theory that it stemmed from a reluctance to be separated from his oldest sons, who it was more than obvious she was incredibly attached to. Atsura almost went as far as to ask his permission to one day let her go out and fight—a request that he was unsure he could ever grant; but the idea was left in the back of his mind, willing to leave his options open for the future.

And his youngest niece, Nuka, was the one that virtually made no sense to him. She reminded him of a near-exact copy of Tobirama, but more cynical and with no desire to impress him or any adult besides her father. And even then, she never had to try; she was witty, and could figure things out in the blink of an eye to the point that Atsura practically handed her praise and compliments regularly on a silver platter.

Butsuma was sure it would be her that would turn into a brat, if she hadn't already. He had already seen several instances of the way she manipulated his wife's feelings to get what she wanted—and he could never be sure if he was angry with her or incredibly impressed. It was a shame that her physical condition was so spontaneously weak. He would have to work harder on fixing that.

Speaking of the devil—Butsuma noticed his wife's shoulders relax when she saw the man and his daughters. He frowned.

Atsura gave a smile and shook his hand first, offering congrats as if he truly was happy for them. Of course, Butsuma was always skeptical of his authenticity. It was another thing his youngest brat had picked up from him as well.

It usually was, at least—while Tōka looked as happy and excited as can be as she prattled on to Miyako about something or other, Nuka looked like she wanted nothing more than to leave. On the face of a four year old girl it would normally only seem like she was pouting, but her expression was decidedly neutral with a hint of what he thought was almost _arrogant _distaste.

Butsuma stared at her hard, his eye nearly twitching at the eccentricity of it all. Then she looked up, catching him in the act. The look in her eye changed to innocent curiosity for a split moment, before she averted her gaze, grabbing her sisters' hand absentmindedly.

He knew that this was a prime example of how she played on Miyako's emotions. His wife glanced at Nuka furtively as if she very much wanted to talk to her, but the child pointedly avoided her gaze. There was always a subtle, unspoken conversation between them that always made Miyako squirm as if she was being blackmailed by a small child.

Then again, she did have a striking resemblance to her mother. Butsuma never paid much mind to Hanako in the time she was alive; although, he knew that his wife had a track record of moments she was never there for her sister, and the guilt she had after her death had been overwhelming.

Obviously unable to suffer the tension between them any longer, Miyako then asked Nuka if she wanted to take a walk to the pond.

"Okay." She agreed flatly, letting go of her sister and taking her aunt's hand instead. Miyako was surprised at the gesture when it was more than obvious her niece was unhappy with her. Nuka held onto her tighter than normal, letting her know she was still upset. Miyako sighed.

"Nuka," she started quietly, "Please tell me why you're upset with me." She asked, crouching down to her level. Nuka's eyes turned into a glare, although not as harsh of one as she expected.

"You said you wouldn't have any more." She replied shortly. Miyako tilted her head with a guilty look.

"Why don't you want me to have any more?" she asked patiently, hoping her tone would keep her calm.

"Because you'll die," Nuka explained candidly, "And you promised me you wouldn't."

Miyako felt a shiver run down her spine. There was that feeling again—like she was looking at a ghost. Her sister.

"Nuka, I won't." she denied. "You'll love your new— cousin, I know you will." Nuka's glare deepened and she scowled.

"_No," _she said slowly, "You will. I'm not stupid. And I wanted to love_ you_ but now you won't let me." Miyako flinched at how quickly her angry glare turned into a pained one. Tears started welling up in the blonde's eyes, making her aunt start to panic.

"If you want to leave me then just leave me. Stop lying and making me believe you mean what you say."

It was surreal the way a girl her age acted the way she did. She just never tolerated being talked to or treated like a child. Any attempts to protect her from the truth with a lie would always backfire, and she would react as if they were openly mocking her. It wasn't right for a _four year old_ to act like that. Miyako grabbed her hands as if she was afraid she would disappear.

"I _do_ mean it!" She cried frantically, "Please listen. Even if I can't make it through this—," Nuka started rapidly shaking her head no, like she was afraid to even consider the possibility.

"No, you can't." her tears started flowing freely.

"—I can give you _so _much more this way than I ever could by myself." Nuka kept shaking her head in denial.

"It doesn't matter how many cousins you give me."

"It is my duty as the matriarch of this clan to do this. Nuka, please…someday you will understand why I need this to happen. You won't blame me then." She took Nuka's face into her hands, wiping her tears away. Betrayal was still etched all over her face, and she stared hard at the ground.

"…Why? Do you want to die?" Nuka asked quietly, her voice starting to tremble as if she was afraid to ask. To Miyako, the question had nearly knocked the wind out of her.

"No," she answered sincerely, _"No_, Nuka, but I want my baby to _live."_

An odd look passed over Nuka's eyes—an emotion, or realization her aunt couldn't identify. Eventually it passed, and was replaced with an incredibly grudging acceptance.

"_Fine," _she gave in, "Then he will."

Miyako let out the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. She almost smiled—she was always so sure it'd be a boy.

"Thank you," she said earnestly, wrapping her in a hug, "Everything will be okay."

Nuka didn't hug her back at first, almost as if she thought about pulling away. Then she sniffed, wiping her eyes for a moment on her sleeve before hugging her back.

Everything will be okay, she repeated in her head. Maybe if she lied to herself enough, she might start to actually believe it. Maybe that would be for the best...

* * *

Despite feeling wholly uncomfortable, and completely betrayed by my lovely aunt's decision, I decided that I was being unreasonably stubborn and reluctantly accepted her wishes. I don't know what it was that made me change my mind—I honestly didn't.

When she said she only wanted her baby to live, something came over me that _almost _felt like understanding. Almost, but not quite; when I honestly thought about it, I knew I could never deny someone their right to have a kid. I wasn't sure if I would do it differently or not, and what I didn't understand was why she was so completely insistent to have this one, as if it was so much different than the rest. This one, she'd give up everything for.

With that train of thought, yeah, I might've been a little jealous. She obviously cared about this baby more than she cared about me. I suddenly felt incredibly bitter at the whole situation—_I _cared about my aunt more than she cared about me. If that wasn't the truth, then she wouldn't be doing this. She would live, and stay with me just like she promised when Kawarama was born.

I didn't like being one-upped, and for some reason I felt like it was inevitable that I would be. The feeling was all too familiar—but I wasn't sure why, considering I actually got a fair amount more attention than most children my age.

Walking back over to my dad, sister, and very charming uncle, I noticed they looked to be having a rather serious discussion. Of course, since my uncle never knew how to relax, or have fun, or smile, or any of those things. Though it was a little odd; Tōka seemed strangely engaged in the conversation for once.

She didn't really like our uncle, but not nearly as much as I disliked our uncle. He constantly left aunt Miya alone, having to raise three boys practically on her own. Yes, there was plenty of help available from other women in the clan, but it was still annoying. And whenever Tōka and I would stay with our cousins, I would almost feel bad to make it that much harder on her with two additional children to watch; that was typically why I watched over Kawarama like a hawk, in an attempt to make her job at least a little bit easier.

If it made any difference, I never felt like a child. The only thing that kept me from operating like an adult completely was the fact that I was very short and small.

In my head, I already knew what this baby would look like. Half like her, and half like his dad. I sighed.

Tōka approached me slowly with a gleam in her eyes once she saw us coming. She urgently took me by the shoulders.

"Nuka, uncle said if I can prove I've been training really hard I could be a shinobi!" she declared breathlessly.

Yikes. She was so happy, and I wanted to be happy for her, but…

"What? Tōka, that's so dangerous." I replied with a worried look. I hated being a party pooper, but Tobirama did the same thing like all the time, so…

"I know, but that's why I'll have you, right?" she looked at me hopefully. Oh, right. Medic in training.

It had been about nine months since I'd asked father to teach me, and in that time I had learned quite a bit but I still wasn't exactly where I wanted to be. He consistently had to remind me to be patient since healing jutsu was actually quite difficult, but Hashirama's words were still resonating with me and I was aiming to be the best as soon as possible.

Father was rather stunned, but pleasantly surprised when I asked if Hashirama could join in the lessons he gave me. He never had as much time as I did, since he often trained with his father. But that boy was a _natural_, and he learned almost unbelievably fast.

It actually fed my ego for a while, being able to teach him things he would miss out on—but of course, that never lasted long since he would grasp the concept much faster than even I did.

Well, that wasn't completely true. For some reason, understanding the chakra system, natural and spiritual energies, and exactly how to mold your chakra into the kind used in medical jutsu was weirdly easy for me to understand. It almost felt like I'd heard all of the explanations before.

My issue was not understanding it, but actually _doing _it. Chakra felt a bit foreign to me, and I felt like it was something I wasn't meant to have, so manipulating it correctly was my first struggle. Hashirama was the one who walked me through everything whenever I got frustrated, and it was thanks to him that my chakra control was actually quite decent now.

Father said that it was hardly possible for me to be any better at my age. Sometimes I forgot I hadn't even turned five yet—not for a few more months. So in my current skill set, I had decent chakra control, and I could heal superficial wounds like cuts and bruises. Nothing particularly helpful, but there _was _one thing I had insisted father teach me that was unrelated to healing jutsu completely.

.

"_You want to learn how to hide your chakra signature?" Father looked at me with eyebrows raised. I nodded._

"_Yes." He scratched his chin thoughtfully._

"_Hmm," he pondered, but I knew he was only stalling, "Now why would you ever want to do that?" I smiled at him, having expected the question._

"_Tobirama always knows where I am by sensing my chakra, and it's annoying! It's just not fair if we're playing hide and seek." I explained, throwing my hands in the air. He laughed._

"_I see," he seemed to accept that answer, "Well, I suppose it would be good to learn in case something happened. Alright, come here and I'll teach you."_

_._

There was hardly any sort of lesson involved. Hiding my chakra signature was probably the easiest concept I ever had to learn, and my ability to hide it would improve the better my chakra control was. The thing was, chakra was sort of like a flame; it can always get smaller, but it can never completely disappear. Unless of course, you die. That was frustrating to me.

Father laughed at my sour expression when he told me hiding my chakra completely was impossible. Worry not, he said, only an incredibly talented sensor-nin would be capable of finding a chakra signature that was almost entirely concealed. I was a bit more relieved when he told me.

Secretly, I didn't want to learn this because Tobirama's ability to find me was annoying. Sometimes it was easy to forget we were in a war, and I knew that wouldn't always be the case. I didn't have to be a shinobi, but intended to use that to my advantage completely.

If I used my situation carefully enough, I could keep myself in a relatively low-risk environment for as long as I needed. Learning medical ninjutsu would eliminate my dependency on other people to help me with my own issues; whenever I would feel like my lungs were going to give out, I could simply heal myself.

Hashirama also promised me that together we would find a way to heal them completely, so they wouldn't constantly be bothering me.

And if we could do that, I had to be a field medic. I couldn't stay waiting at the compound—not when my sister would be out _fighting. _I had to be right there with her, in case anything happened. And if I wasn't physically well enough to do that, I would die, or she would die. Someone I care about would die, and I wasn't ready to let that happen.

I actually felt a lot of pressure when Tōka told me uncle would let her fight—how much time would that give me? I hated bothering Hashirama, and I didn't want to continuously ask him to train with me since he had so many more important things to be doing. I hated being so impatient, but I just felt like I would regret wasting any more time.

"Of course." I replied to her finally, determined to be ready when she needed me to be. Then the concern settled back in, and I willingly made eye contact with my uncle first.

"…That won't be too soon, will it?" I asked. He had the nerve to smirk at me, and I was sure that might've been the closest thing to a smile he's ever given to me.

"No," he replied rather reasonably, "She will be given all the time she needs."

I was a bit shocked. That was awfully nice of him. It's almost like he cares about her well-being. Either way, he seemed to be in an oddly good mood, so I took my chances and kept going.

"I need to be good enough to take care of her too, so please don't let her fight until I'm a good enough medic to do that." I requested, eyes betraying no emotion aside from the obvious determination to protect my sister. Father grinned down at me, and uncle looked vaguely impressed whereas Tōka was blushing furiously.

"H-hey, I'm the older sister, I'm supposed to protect _you!" _she cried, and I just smiled at her, ignoring her outburst.

"No, we're going to protect each other." I argued back, much more calmly than her. Speechless, she stuttered for a moment before giving up, crossing her arms and nodding like that was her plan all along. Her face was still red, though, and I poked her cheek just to push her buttons.

"_C__ut it out!" _she whispered loudly, swatting my hand away in embarrassment. I could tell she was still smiling when she looked away, so I just plastered on an innocent grin and acted like I did nothing wrong.

"I would never dream of it." Butsuma backed me up, much to my surprise. What's his problem? Being all nice…

"Medical-ninjutsu is a good path for you. Perhaps it can remedy your own situation." He was still talking to me. Why was he doing that? He _never_ talks to me.

"Yeah. I know. That's why I'm doing it." I replied. I didn't realize how sassy it sounded until it had already come out of my mouth, and I hastily tried to amend my horrible tone. "And I want to help her and my cousins." I added quickly, making sure he knew I wasn't a selfish brat only trying to help myself.

"A noble goal. Your issues are surely ones that you will grow out of soon enough; try hard enough, and I'm sure you will be of much use to the clan."

Wow, not only was he being polite, he was encouraging me! It was hard to keep my jaw from dropping, I was so shocked. And thoroughly impressed, to be perfectly honest.

He must have been really excited about that baby. He was nice before Kawarama was born, too.

"Wow, thanks!" my surprise couldn't be masked. My father looked incredibly amused. There were a few moments where my inner Tōka came out—but then again, I spent so much time with her and Hashirama that it was a wonder it didn't come out more.

Maybe my uncle was afraid his next kid would be a girl and he needed to practice on me. I really couldn't explain his sudden reasonable behavior. Although, Tobirama did always tell me that I had a tendency to not even bother giving the man a chance—maybe that was true. And my father always said that one redeeming quality is all it takes to like a person; I wasn't sure I could think that way, but it did add to my infinite amount of respect for him.

I noticed my uncle's eyes flicker toward something over my father's shoulder. Curiously, I looked behind me, briefly catching a head of black hair disappear behind a tree. I exchanged a look with Tōka, and we both looked up to the adults. The men whispered something to each other, and it was my father that stepped closer to the tree—obviously the more approachable of the two of them.

"You don't have to hide." He called out, his voice more gentle and kind than the default cold and harsh tone of my uncle. A moment later, the black head of hair was visible once again.

It was a girl, who looked no older than me. She looked vaguely familiar—where had I seen her before?

"Did you come to congratulate the clan head's family for their new baby?" he tried coaxing her out. She didn't necessarily look scared, as much as she just looked apprehensive—like she wasn't sure if she was supposed to be interacting with us. Stepping a little closer, my father waved her out and she hesitantly came closer.

Yeah, she was my age, if not a bit younger. Her black hair reached just past her shoulders, and it was a bit of a mess. Her eyes were equally as dark, and her complexion nearly as pale as mine. I _swore _up and down that I had seen her before.

When she finally joined us, I got a better look; there were patches of her skin that were slightly darker than the others, and the ends of her hair were undoubtedly dry, like they had been burned. It dawned on me just then—she was the little girl my father saved on Hashirama's last birthday.

"Oh," I had to point it out, "I know you."

She blinked, her eyes going a bit wide in surprise. My father grinned at me.

"You remember?" he asked, and I nodded, "Her name is Takara."

Tōka, ever the friendly sister, gave her a big grin and an excited wave and I hesitantly did the same. Aunt Miya was the one who introduced herself then, with a motherly smile that could draw any child out of their shell. Takara almost jumped, suddenly remembering her voice.

"N-nice to meet you," she bowed to her in respect, "Um, and congratulations."

I was impressed. It may sound awful, but I often forgot that these were people that got shown that kind of respect. I jerked my aunt's feelings around like nobody's business, and here everyone else was bowing to her and treating her like a saint. I suddenly felt self-conscious of my own attitude.

Aunt Miya thanked her kindly and put a hand on her head in a motherly fashion. It seemed to startle the girl, but she calmed down quickly when she realized there was no malicious intent in the action.

I cocked my head to the side, wondering how anyone could feel threatened by my aunt. She was probably the least threatening person I knew. Although, I could acknowledge that if I was a woman her age, I probably would feel a little intimidated by her beauty and her height. Not that either of those things actually made her physically threatening.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by a finger being jabbed into my side. I jumped, looking to see Tōka hovering beside me. She lifted a hand to cover her mouth as she leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"Where did she come from?" she asked quietly. I leaned back over, lifting my hand to do the same.

"Dad saved her that one day, on Hashirama's birthday. When all those injured people were here."

Tōka gasped, her jaw dropping and eyes going wide. I took her chin and closed her mouth before Takara could notice.

"But she's so little!" she struggled to keep her voice in a whisper. "We should be nice to her."

I snorted. Believe it or not, as similar as their personalities were, Tōka didn't make friends quite as easily as Hashirama. She was certainly very outspoken, but she also had an odd tendency to sometimes fight with other kids and mouth off to adults. And similarly to me, her closest friends didn't extend very far outside of myself and our cousins. Going out of our way to be nice to someone else was pretty new for us.

I nodded in agreement. Marching right on up to her, Tōka grabbed her hand with both of hers and started shaking it vigorously.

"Hi," she greeted seriously, "I'm Tōka, and this is my baby sister, Nuka. We should all be friends." I grinned at how straight-forward she was and watched to see the new girl's reaction.

The poor girl looked terrified. I gave her a sheepish grin, moving in and removing my sister's hands from hers. I paused, clearing my throat.

"Takara," I started slowly, giving her time to actually process my words, "She meant for that to be question. Do you want to be friends?" Tōka put her hands on her hips, pouting at me. Takara was at a loss.

"Uh…you really want to?" she looked confused when Tōka and I both nodded, "You know I'm not a Senju."

"Well, it doesn't really matter, does it? As long as you're not an Uchiha." My sister added helpfully, "So what are you, if you're not a Senju?" she asked. Takara looked at the ground with a troubled look.

"I don't remember." She said quietly. Tōka and I shared a sympathetic look.

"Anything?" I prodded. She shook her head.

"I don't remember what happened to me, or where I came from. I could hardly remember my name."

Tōka and I both looked at her sadly, and I was sure in that moment my sister felt like it was a good decision to reach out to her. This girl had absolutely nothing but her name; she must have felt horribly alone and out of place, especially knowing for a fact she was surrounded by an entire clan that could very well be an enemy of her own.

In a way, I almost felt like I could relate to her. Every now and then I had moments where I felt like this family wasn't always my family; it wasn't the same situation, but still…

"Oh," Tōka frowned. Perking back up only a moment later, she grabbed the girl's hands again. "That's okay, we'll help you remember!" she offered. Takara gave her a sheepish look, but I saw the beginning of a smile.

"…If you want to." She agreed quietly.

As much as I agreed that being her friend was a good plan, my thoughts started wandering as we talked to her and I spaced out for most of the conversation. I kind of wanted to find Hashirama and get him to train with me, since I knew he wouldn't be busy…

"What do you think, Nuka?" my sister asked me. I blinked.

"Think about what?" she put her hands on her hips.

"You weren't even listening!" I laughed and tried looking innocent.

"Sorry." I apologized as sincerely as I could. Tōka pouted at me and I just smiled at her. Deciding that maybe it was time to actually contribute to the conversation, I just started a new topic.

"So," I started seriously, "What about those other people who were in that accident with you? Don't they know you?"

"…I think one of them did." She admitted, "He told your dad my name, and asked him to help me. He's… been in a coma since then, so I can't talk to him."

"Oh," I said disappointedly. "Hmm." Tōka looked at me incredulously.

"Uh, hello? What about all of our awesome medics?" she gave me a pointed look.

"Um, I can't do that quite yet." I answered sarcastically. She continued to stare at me, so I sighed and crossed my arms.

"…But it's kind of weird he's been in a coma for that long. It's been almost a year." I mused.

I knew that normally a coma wasn't something you could just speed up—but all humans had chakra here, so did that mean it was possible?

I almost groaned in annoyance, feeling the urge to take an entire class solely on the capabilities of the chakra system as a whole. This compound has only been occupied for a few years now, though, and a lot of reading material had probably burned along with the old compound. How was I supposed to become a decent medic if I didn't know these things?! I decided I would ask both my cousin and my father later.

Speaking of my father, ever the eavesdropper, he suddenly crouched down next to the three of us, leaning in as if he was telling a secret.

"The Uchiha clan has started mobilizing lately. Our hands have been a little tied." He said apologetically. Takara looked mildly disturbed, and my back straightened up in surprise.

"They have? What does that mean?" he sighed at my obvious alarm.

"I'll be gone a little more often, so it'll just be you and Hashirama training for a while." He admitted reluctantly, "Actually…"

"What?" I prodded, worried.

"Hashirama might not be able to train with you much longer either. They're sending him out soon." I scoffed. Hashirama told me he would start going on missions soon—but this soon? Life was just getting better by the day. Not.

"So I'll train by myself." I was reasonably annoyed. My concern for their well-being didn't help either. And with all the things I felt like I didn't know or understand, being left to figure it out with no guidance was a bit frustrating. Father paused, seeming to be deliberating something or another in his head before he smiled.

"Don't be silly. You have a teacher who's been expecting to see you soon."

I gave him a flat look, confused. I jumped when my sister gasped loudly after a beat.

"_No _way!" Father chuckled at her outburst. "Not that mean old bag! That's like torture and suicide at the same time!"

Aunt Miya gasped and Butsuma's eyebrows flew up, obviously appalled at her astounding disrespect. Despite the fact that he probably agreed and found it hilarious, father's amused look turned stern in a heartbeat.

"_Tōka_." He chided, his voice firm, "What did I tell you?"

"Sorry," she apologized, "Don't disrespect the elders." she answered quickly and quietly, pouting. Ready to jump in and rescue her from being in a negative spotlight, I stepped in and tried redirecting the conversation.

"If she can help me it's okay." I agreed neutrally. In my honest opinion, it didn't really matter to me how much of a witch the woman was; if she could teach me what I wanted, then I was going to suck it up and take advantage of a good resource. Turning to me, father nodded.

"She's a very talented medic."

"Okay," I replied, turning back to Takara, "Well I'm not that great, but if no one else will by the time I get better, I'll try to wake up your brother for you."

She gave me the first smile I'd seen on her that didn't look uncomfortable. It looked genuinely relieved, and I couldn't help but smile back. I'd have to keep this promise somehow.

"Thank you," she said honestly, "Really. You don't have to do that for me." It looked like she was starting to tear up a little and my immediate reaction was to fuss over her.

"Ah, well it's no big deal? I'll need people to practice on eventually anyway." I said dismissively, waving a hand.

"You're nice people." She voiced an observation. I eyed her hair, not responding right away.

"Where do you live here?" I tilted my head to the side, realizing I didn't know where parent-less children went. _Orphans, _I corrected.

"Oh, uh," she paused, "There's a place over there where women take care of other orphans." She pointed over to the farthest edge of the compound.

Of course there were orphans, we were in a war—but I didn't realize we basically had our own little orphanage here. I suddenly felt guilty. And even better, it was located practically on the margins so I could've sworn I've never even seen the place before. I took her by the hand then.

"Well you should stay with us tonight."

She looked shocked by the offer. I looked up at father who just smiled back, and I took that as a yes.

"Good idea! Will you?" my sister agreed wholeheartedly. Takara, getting over her initial surprise, gave us both a slightly unsure but grateful smile.

"Okay," she agreed, looking almost happy for the first time all day.

Walking home with her felt oddly refreshing. Thinking about it, it might've been because she was the first non-Senju I had ever met. Or maybe because she was the first friend I'd ever made outside of my sister and cousins. But it was probably both.

.

"You look...kind of like an Uchiha boy."

Takara gasped, her hands flying to the hair on her head.

"I-I don't want to look like an Uchiha boy! Isn't that bad?" I crossed my arms, scissors in my hand, looking at my masterpiece that was her hair.

"Well, it doesn't matter because you're not actually an Uchiha boy. You look cute and I like it."

"Yeah...," Tōka admired my handiwork, "Yeah, it looks pretty good."

"And most importantly, all the burnt ends are gone!" I pointed out, brushing the hair off of the table and into a pile.

Takara gave a small smile, at least somewhat relieved of that. Her hair was now a slightly boyish length, barely touching her chin. Despite the shortness of it, it looked much healthier, making her look less edgy and more her age.

And I had to admit, the Uchiha boy look was pretty cute, despite the fact she was neither of those things.

.

* * *

**A/N: **I can't believe I got this done so fast. Ahhhh.

This chapter was uneventful and maybe that's why it came out so fast. I don't know. Anyway.

Awkward Amnesiac, aka new OC Takara enters the building! She kind of lacks a personality right now because she doesn't remember how she normally acts, so...that's like infinite room for character development. I had to do it.

Anyway, that's it. Bye, please review!


	7. Chapter 7

**A Match Into Water / 7**

**.**

2 months left until my new cousin was here. I wasn't ready. At all.

And it was only a few more weeks until they'd throw Hashirama to the wolves—I wasn't ready for that either. Despite the fact he would be going with my father, who'd obviously protect him without a second thought. It only made me worry for both of them.

These past few months, my sister had finally taught me how to walk on trees, which I'd now insisted on learning. It turns out, with all the work I've been putting into my chakra control, it was surprisingly easy for me. My only struggle was the physical difficulty of it, and I ended up in a coughing fit more than once.

Every day that was not spent with my cousins was spent with either my sister or Takara, who became more and more comfortable with us by the day. I wasn't sure why, but for some reason she seemed to prefer me. We were closer in age than her and Tōka—maybe that was it.

Many days I held a two year old Kawarama by the hand, leading him outside to relieve his mother of the energetic toddler so she could rest. I had been trying to make her life as easy as I possibly could, in hopes that even something small could potentially be all it takes to save her. But I didn't get my hopes up.

On top of that, I tried to spend as much time with her as I could in the time I had left. This included doing a lot of housework for her, playing with Kawarama, and _not _trapping her in an emotional chokehold because I was mad at her. The stress wouldn't be helping anyone.

I wasn't sure if my father could tell why I was doing this or not, but weirdly enough, it almost seemed as if he had the same idea. He went on missions much more often, but instead of going home once he returned it seemed as if he always ended up at the clan head's home first. I thought it might've been because he knew that was where to find me, or if he was just trying to check on aunt Miya in Butsuma's absence. It was a relief when he did, though; with his more advanced medic skills, he always made sure she wasn't getting sick and everything was going fine. Him and I both, in my opinion, took pretty good care of her.

As much of a load off of my shoulders as it was, there were times where it became a little odd to watch. My aunt was always so unearthly happy to see him, and sometimes when he would check on her it was hard to miss the gleam in his eyes and the smile that actually looked genuine. If he thought she would live, then I had to believe it too; that was the only thing I had that gave me hope.

Despite this kid's birth hanging over my head like a dark cloud, things were relatively okay otherwise.

Aunt Miya was generally always in good spirits, especially now that I'd come around and started spending more time with her. Father was often away on missions, but never quite as often as my uncle. Hashirama and Tobirama were out training, a lot. Tōka was too, but she was a bit behind compared to them. Whenever I wasn't with my aunt and Kawarama, I was with her, to either keep her company or for her to teach me practical things.

I didn't expect Hashirama or my father to be away quite this often, at least until Hashirama started going on missions of his own. And as much as I loved Kawarama and my aunt, I felt like my med-nin training was a little too stagnant. That was how I ended up outside the home of one of our esteemed clan elders.

Tōka thought I was crazy when I asked her where she lived. Well, not really.

Originally, she was actually really excited when I first asked because she thought I wanted to play some ridiculous prank on her. She didn't think I was crazy until I told her I wanted to ask for her to teach me.

My sister not only thought I was crazy, but she insisted on following me the whole way there, and listening to everything outside her window just to make sure I was okay. I had told her it wasn't necessary several times, but eventually I had to relent to her stubborn protectiveness after I realized I couldn't really do anything to stop her anyway.

Three short knocks on the door, and I counted the seconds I waited. One, two, three, four…

The door opened.

The old bag looked unsurprised. Her words didn't necessarily match her expression, however.

"Oh," she started, feigning surprise, "Well if it isn't the honorable _youngest_ niece. To what have you come for?"

Her tone was annoying. I could practically feel Tōka scowling at the woman's mocking, condescending voice from wherever she was hiding.

"You said before that I should come to you when I'm ready to start learning from you, so I'm here now." I explained as simply as possible. I didn't particularly care for any sort of small talk.

The older woman now wore a satisfied look that I assumed was a good sign—though I was unsure when she turned and walked away. She didn't shut the door, did that mean she wanted me to follow her?

"Come." She beckoned after a beat. I quickly gathered myself, hurrying inside and closing the door to catch up with her. Out of my peripheral vision I saw my sister sneaking behind the trees that surrounded the elder's house, and I sighed.

"I have heard you have interest in medical ninjutsu." I heard her croon as she poured me tea that she had apparently already started and made. I probably interrupted her in the middle of some silly morning tea tradition. I nodded and quickly kneeled around the table and moved to take a sip once she had given it to me.

"Do you know what kind of herbs are in that tea you're drinking?" she asked, and I stopped myself.

"…No, I do not." I replied flatly. Of course I didn't know. Slowly—because she was ancient—she pulled out a scroll, unrolling it to show me a list of herbs and descriptions of them.

"This group of herbs right here are present in that tea right now." She gestured to a select few, and I scanned the paper quickly only to notice that one of them—what?

"One of them is poisonous." I furrowed my brow, setting the cup back down. "Why would you…?" I trailed off, confused. Her expression was serious, betraying no emotion.

"That leaf has a particular scent that makes it detectable as poisonous, of course, if you are inclined to believe that someone is trying to poison you. But then again, most people do not smell their tea before they drink it—and it is virtually tasteless, being overpowered by other ingredients in that regard." She explained. I blinked, not exactly expecting to be taught a lesson this soon upon requesting her assistance. It was almost as if she saw me coming.

"As a medic-nin, knowing which herbs will aid you and which will harm you is basic. Memorize them." she pushed the scroll towards me, and I couldn't help but notice that it _had _to be packed with hundreds of different herbs. I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows.

_All of them? _I wanted to ask, but my better judgement decided not to question her.

"…Yes ma'am." I agreed, rolling it up so I'd remember to take it with me. For a moment I thought I saw a flash of surprise in her eyes—but then it was gone in an instant. I had to remind myself not to absentmindedly drink that tea. I resisted the urge not to fidget, but the fact that she had tested me and I'd fallen for it right off the bat was mildly unsettling.

"More importantly than your studies as a med-nin," she started after a moment, "Is your duty to this clan." She finished. I swore at that moment I heard a groan come from a distance my left—was that Tōka?

_Idiot, get away from the window! _I cursed inwardly. Of course—this was the part that she always came home complaining about. The clan, the clan, the _clan._

"Now, you must realize that you and your sister are the closest blood to the head of this clan's family. The closest_ female_ blood, that is." She pointed out. My expression stayed the same.

"Yes." I responded, because it was obvious it was a fact.

"That means that you and her both have a reputation to fulfill. You are to present yourselves as if you were directly a part of that family. To do that, you must be dignified, and you must familiarize yourself with the finances, morale and politics of the clan." She droned.

I suddenly realized how my sister felt the way she did. Chizuka's voice was neutral, unwavering and slow-moving. Listening to these sort of long winded explanations could get tiring fast. Tōka was obviously incredibly bored with the finances, morale and politics of the clan—and to be perfectly honest, I couldn't blame her. Children simply didn't have the attention span to care about those sort of things—but now she was teaching me, and I was certainly not a child.

As boring as I knew this was going to be, I decided to suffer through it. Partially as a means to make up for my sister rebelling against it, and partially because I knew I had virtually no other options. Being a shinobi was out, so I supposed that meant I had to be…a _diplomat? _

_Ew. _I cringed at the word. Never in my wildest dreams—or darkest of nightmares did I imagine myself becoming anything of the sort.

"There are many advantages to diplomacy, such as the fact that they command a good amount of respect and honor of the clan; in the event that you were ever taken hostage by an enemy clan, they would be less willing to kill you and more likely to make a compromise for the sake of…,"

I wondered how Aunt Miya was doing…No, Nuka, don't tune her out! At least not on the first day!

"…And while yes, you are admittedly at a bit of a disadvantage considering your lack of a mother figure; although your dear aunt did, in fact, play a similar role in the clan's affairs which ultimately put her in an adequate position to be well suited as a wife to our clan head. Now, considering our darling heir is such close blood to yourself, it may be unlikely that you find yourself in a similar position, but all the same…,"

Yes, I was aware that I was not likely to marry my cousin. I blinked several times, steeling myself to pay attention.

"But, as trusted clan members with a distinct knowledge of the inner workings of the clan, you will undoubtedly maintain a high status the older you get. If you work hard enough, perhaps someday you could even become as much importance to the clan as myself. Of course, this is only provided you _pay attention _and put in the effort necessary to do so."

I straightened up. Did she catch me tuning out?

"Now," she finally paused, "Do you understand everything I've said?"

"Yes, Chizuka-sama." I respectfully confirmed. I was sure some of it went in one ear and out the other—but overall I felt I understood well enough. For today. I wasn't entirely sure how long I'd been sitting here, and my legs were starting to get stiff from kneeling.

"Good." She seemed to believe me, "You will return here every morning at the same time from now on. _No _exceptions. Am I clear?"

Every day? No matter what? What if something else came up, like Aunt Miya's baby? I couldn't possibly not be there if it coincided with these lessons.

"…Yes. I understand." I replied neutrally, trying not to let my confusion show on my face. I suppose all I could do was just hope that nothing would get in the way.

"Excellent." She acknowledged, "I had a feeling there would be more potential in you. Very well, be on your way now."

Wasting no time, I got up with the scrolls she had given me. I figured it would be best to kiss up to her while I could, so I bowed and forced a tiny smile on my face.

"Thank you for your time." I said politely, though the words felt forced and automated. I thought I saw what looked like a shadow of a smile back—but I didn't stick around to find out. I left her home none too hurriedly, taking a deep breath once I had finally shut the door behind me.

"Pssst."

Another sigh of relief escaped me. I checked behind me, just to make sure Chizuka wasn't watching me on my way out before I scurried over to the tree I knew my sister was hiding behind. She urgently grabbed me by the shoulders, her eyes wide with interest.

"How was it? What happened? I didn't hear any yelling or anything!" she asked one after another.

"Shh!" I lifted a finger to her lips to shush her, "Just cause she's old doesn't mean she can't hear anything." Tōka furtively glanced over at the house, making sure she wasn't listening in.

"Oops." She lowered her voice, "So anyway—,"

"It wasn't that bad." I cut her off in a whisper, "I mean, it was pretty boring and she talked forever but it was all kind of important stuff." I admitted. Tōka wrinkled her nose.

"No way! I don't understand half the stuff she says…," she trailed off, her eyes turning less pouty and more pensive. "You've always been so smart." She finished, kicking a rock at her feet. Her tone of voice made it sound like she was almost self-conscious that she wasn't the same way, and I couldn't mask the guilt I suddenly felt. I grabbed her by the hand.

"Well, maybe, but…," she looked at me in mild surprise, and I grinned at her, "You're going to be a really great shinobi someday. I could never do what you do." I complimented in genuine admiration. And it was true—with my current physical condition, I just didn't have half the potential that she had. Even if I grew out of it someday, I'd always be playing catch up with her.

Tōka's glum look started to crack, and I saw her lips twitch before curling up in an almost embarrassed smile. She sniffled—ever the obvious one—and I noticed her eyes welling up in the slightest before she pulled me into one of the biggest hugs she's ever given me. They seemed to get bigger as we grew up; I suppose technically that might be because she was growing noticeably faster than I was.

"Heh, I guess so… C'mon, let's go play with Taka!" she proposed after composing herself, dragging me along in the furthest direction of the compound from where we currently were. I made no argument—instead keeping up as well as I could, smiling as I wished that days and moments like these could last forever.

* * *

Takara could generally be found as far away as possible from the houses of any important members of the clan. She made a point to learn exactly where the elders and the clan head resided for the sole purpose of avoiding them effectively.

From anyone's point of view, it was obvious that the girl was just naturally skittish. Her personality was simply a timid one and the fact that she avoided any and every figure of clan authority wasn't particularly shocking.

Some people understood. Others were suspicious. But whatever the case, she was only a kid, and few people managed to be honestly suspicious of a girl that young.

That is, unless your name was Senju Butsuma, and you looked at every human being that wasn't born within Senju walls a potential threat.

He noticed right away that the only people the girl seemed to spend any time with were his nieces. Who, in a way, sort of forced their company onto her at that. She had obviously warmed up to them, so it seemed—but the way she pointedly avoided everyone else just didn't sit well with him.

There was a day he came home after a mission to find Nuka taking care of his wife. There were quite a few days like that, actually; he certainly didn't mind, knowing that their relationship had always been strained in the past and he never had enough time for her himself. He would admit that he very much appreciated her help.

Either way, one day that he had come home and she was there, they had spoken briefly about the new little friend she had made. Butsuma didn't often make a point to talk to his youngest niece, but every time he did he found himself impressed with the maturity that practically radiated from her. It was certainly odd, but in no sense could it be considered a bad thing or something to worry about.

Butsuma had pointed out to her the way Takara seemed to flee at the sight of any clan higher-ups.

"She does that?" she asked at the time, not looking entirely surprised. But then again, she rarely did look surprised; her face was often a neutral mask, and whenever it wasn't, it was plastered with a fake looking smile that he attributed to her father with zero hesitation.

He confirmed his observation, and then explained how her behavior would seem suspicious, especially considering the fact that she wasn't a Senju. Nuka smiled at him easily, looking as if she understood his point of view as easily as she could breathe.

…Although, that might actually be a bad comparison. Butsuma retracted the thought when he remembered breathing was something she'd always had trouble with.

"I get it." She confirmed, her smile fading, "But why are you tellin' me?"

Butsuma crouched down to her level, eliciting a scowl from the blonde that was gone almost as soon as it appeared.

"I'd like you to ask a favor. I've heard you're a bit more observant than your sister, so I want you to be careful around Takara and tell me if she says or does anything out of the ordinary."

A look of confusion and mild concern crossed the girl's face and she tilted her head.

"Do you know where she came from?" she asked curiously. Butsuma closed his eyes, his shoulders sinking a bit in slight disappointment.

"I do not." He admittedly grudgingly, "But that is exactly why I want to keep an eye on her. You know about the Uchiha, don't you?"

Nuka tensed up, visibly surprised that he'd asked so explicitly. Her father often tried fairly hard to shield her from anything that happened outside the Senju compound walls—whereas it seemed her uncle just didn't care. Protecting a child's innocence, in his eyes, only made it harder for them to adapt when they inevitably faced the horrors of the war they were forever entangled in. All the same, Nuka knew exactly what was happening.

"Yeah." She replied, not knowing where he was going.

"I have little doubt in my mind that the boy who knew Takara's name was an Uchiha." He explained, watching as her eyes grew to the size of dinner plates in alarm.

"But—but aren't they…?" Nuka could've sworn that they were related. But it was hard to say. Even Takara's word was uncertain since she claimed that she didn't remember anything. They could be related, but they very well might have just been two people who knew each other by name and nothing more.

But now that her uncle suggested they might associated with one of their greatest enemies, Nuka numbly tried hoping the latter was the truth. Because if the former was true, she and her sister might as well have targets painted right on their backs. She couldn't afford to just hope for the best.

"If the girl is an Uchiha then it will be revealed in time. We are keeping a constant eye on the boy. If Takara is lying about her amnesia, then I need you to find out and tell me immediately." He instructed, his niece nodding sharply in response.

"If you are ever inclined to believe that she knows more than she is letting on, you mustn't confront her about it. However patient the enemy may be, they will always lash out when they feel cornered. Stay close enough to get the information you need, but keep your distance. Do you understand?"

Nuka nodded once again, more slowly simply because she felt completely uneasy about following his orders. But it wasn't like he was wrong—he raised plenty of good points and it was probably for the best that she was careful around her new friend. She understood his point of view perfectly. But that didn't make her feel any better.

Children should never have to worry about other children threatening their entire family. It just wasn't right. That was the source of her apprehension. Her uncle ended the conversation, leaving Nuka overcome with an unexplainable loneliness, sorely wishing that she lived in a different world completely.

* * *

We ended up finding Takara by the pond that day, leaning over and looking into it with no small amount of frustration as she attempting to flatten her hair down. It was naturally thick and coarse, and now that it was so short, there was little hope in terms of trying to tame it.

"What's wrong? I like it that way, Taka."

Takara gasped, startled so intensely that she nearly fell right into the pond. It was my own pale hands that grabbed at her to pull her back, kind of expecting that reaction beforehand. Tōka stood behind me, grinning shamelessly as if she didn't mean to sneak up on her on purpose.

"Don't fall in the water." I advised sarcastically. Takara's face scrunched up in a half-scowl, like she was hesitant to glare at us completely in case it would offend us or something.

"…What are you guys doing?" she asked quietly as Tōka sat down at the water's edge and I picked up a rock, examining it for a minute before throwing it. It skipped twice.

"_Nothing._" My sister replied bitterly, leaning back on her elbows. "Hashirama and Tobirama are always busy training, Papa's on a mission and I'm tired of doing chores for Aunt Miya!" she kicked the water for dramatic effect. I glared at her.

"I'm always the one doing chores for Aunt Miya, you weirdo. _And _taking care of Kawarama." I felt the need to clarify. It was hard work! I deserved _some_ credit.

She just stuck her tongue out at me. I rolled my eyes.

"…Hashirama has a mission soon, too." I commented more seriously, turning my gaze back to the water. Takara blinked, giving me a curious look. She always seemed to hesitate before asking anything that concerned my cousins.

"Are you worried?" she finally asked. I took a deep breath, letting it out with a huff.

"I'm always worried." I admitted like it didn't matter. The way I disregarded it seemed to worry her, and her eyebrows were drawn together in blatant concern.

"W-well, he isn't going alone right?" she asked in hopes of potentially making me feel better.

"Papa's going with him." Tōka chimed in, "And he's an awesome medic! So Hashirama should be fine, even if he gets hurt."

Ever the optimist. I continuously reminded myself of the same thing every time I started to worry about him—but no matter what, I could never seem to shake the urge to protect him despite the fact that it was physically impossible for me to really do much of anything. I was probably about as protective of him and his brothers as his own mother was, so I worried nonetheless.

Takara cracked a smile at my sister's brighter outlook.

"Oh, then I'm sure he'll be safe." The worry ebbed from her face, "He really is a great medic."

I rested my hands on my hips as I contemplated the thought for the umpteenth time. Takara obviously held my father in high regard considering he'd pulled her from what was probably the brink of death, and he was one of the few people she seemed comfortable around. It wasn't much of a surprise. I would imagine that having such a caring father was a blessing in a world like this, and I definitely didn't take that for granted.

"I know," I started, "But then that just makes me worry about him instead." I admitted with a hint of frustration.

It was frustrating because I knew that losing my father would probably wreck me completely. It was frustrating how I could remember things from when I was a baby that I was sure people typically forgot. I remembered the first time I saw him, blurry face and all, and the way he cried when I cried.

I scrunched up my face in distaste at my own thoughts. Was it really normal to remember those things?

No, I don't think it was. I could remember as a baby the way he paid twice as much attention to me and how I reacted to certain things. Because he knew it wasn't normal, either. But he never pushed me to talk about any of those things. I could feign ignorance as a baby because I couldn't really speak, but I was old enough now that there was no communication barrier, and he still never pried.

A surge of guilt washed over me then. So what if it wasn't normal, how abnormally aware of the world I was? How it felt like I knew certain members of my family before I'd even met them? He would never think any less of me. If anything, he would help me try to figure out why I felt that way. There was no reason for me to keep anything from him anymore.

Picking up another rock, I decided that the next time he came home I would talk to him about everything. I would tell him I could remember everything. The fire, seeing him, meeting my sister for the first time. I'd tell him that nothing in this world felt right. That I didn't feel like I was supposed to be here. And that everything about it sounded like I've heard it all before—like I was looking at it all from outside my body. I didn't understand why I felt that way, but I knew he wouldn't judge me.

This time when I threw the rock, it skipped all the way to the other end of the pond. Takara had said something that went in one ear and out the other; something assuring her confidence in my father's ability, most likely—so I just looked at her and smiled.

"You're probably right. I don't think his division is even supposed to fight anyone directly anyway."

Takara seemed relieved at my change of heart, giving me a hopeful look. I'm sure she didn't want to believe anything bad would happen to him either.

It was hard to scrutinize her the way my uncle had asked me to when she looked at me like that. She just seemed… genuinely good. Like there couldn't be an evil bone in her body. Looking at the burn scars that littered her arms made me feel the need to shelter her the same way I wanted to protect my cousins. But that was more because I felt sorry for her, especially when she looked at something relatively harmless with wide, fearful coal black eyes.

Nonetheless, I felt a little better knowing that my father never fought on the front lines. Perks of being a medic, I suppose. I cleared my throat.

"Anyway," I redirected the conversation, "Do you not like your hair, or what? I worked really hard on that, you know." I teased. Takara looked surprised and had the decency to blush in the slightest.

"I-I, uh. It's not that," she insisted, "It just didn't stand up this much when you cut it…"

"It looks like a major case of bed head!" Tōka exclaimed, making Takara even more flustered. Fortunately she had learned that not everything Tōka said should be taken seriously, and she even ended up grinning despite her embarrassment.

"I think it's cute that way." I speculated. "It makes you look… the opposite of how you act."

My sister crossed her arms and nodded. Takara gave me an unsure look.

"…Is that a good thing? Do you mean it makes me look like a boy?"

"No, no, no. Well, it does a little. But that's not what I meant." I clarified, "It's a good thing because that way, you can catch people off guard with your personality."

Takara blinked. My sister looked equally as confused, but she gave a questionable nod nonetheless, always at the ready to back me up.

"You know," I crossed my arms. "Like a scarecrow. Birds think it can hurt them, but it really couldn't hurt a fly."

"Oh I get it!" Tōka exclaimed, finally making the connection. "So like the opposite of you?"

Then it was my turn to give her a confused look. Huh?

"Uh, what do you mean?" I asked clueless.

"You know," she copied me, "How you look really harmless, but you're actually really smart and grown up and good at things."

"Oh," I feigned shock, "You think I'm really smart and grown up and good at things?"

"That's what I said, stupid!" she trapped me in a headlock, messing up my hair and putting no real pressure on my windpipe for obvious reasons. Takara looked at us in amusement, looking like she had to hold back a laugh before her eyes flickered over my shoulder, her expression abruptly turning serious.

Noticing her quick change of mood, I looked behind me to see a head of white hair a ways away walking in our direction. A grin quickly broke out on my face as I shook off my sister in favor of the new arrival.

"Tobirama!" I ran towards him, closing the gap between us in no time at all. The boy was actually pretty dirty, but I didn't care considering I hadn't seen him in over a week. And despite not being the affectionate cousin, he actually hugged me back this time. Surprise, surprise.

"I missed you," I greeted, letting him go. "How's training?"

"Okay." His response was short, as expected, "What are you doing?"

The question was directed at me but he was looking pointedly at Takara, who averted her eyes and visibly fidgeted under his scrutinizing stare.

It was always a little weird when the two of them were around each other. I was sure that Hashirama had politely and enthusiastically introduced himself to her once, much to her alarm, but Tobirama had never really done anything like that. He recognized her from the time he had left me with the medics as one of the outsiders we'd saved, but he never went out of his way to welcome her. He made it obvious that he didn't trust her, and that made Takara uncomfortable, so they had a tendency to avoid each other whenever possible.

Well, sort of. Tobirama never avoided her, because he wanted to make sure my sister and I were alright. It was Takara that preferred to avoid him. Really, he was just one of many people she preferred to avoid.

"Just skipping rocks. Mine made it to the other side." I mentioned knowing Tobirama's standards were probably so high he wouldn't even be impressed, though I didn't really care. The corner of his mouth twitched up in the slightest, and he patted me on the head.

"That's great." He humored me in a flat, neutral tone. I gave an overly exaggerated frown, and he crossed his arms.

"Big brother's leaving on his mission tonight instead of in the morning. You should probably go see him." He brought up, giving me a look of mild concern, "I don't know if uncle Atsu will be back here before they leave though."

My expression fell, as did Tōka's once she caught up to us. We exchanged a confused glance.

"I thought they weren't supposed to leave for another week?" my sister voiced my thoughts exactly. Tobirama looked away for a moment, scratching the back of his head like he didn't even know what the hurry was either.

"They weren't. But our runners have been catching people getting pretty close to the compound, so dad says we need to send more people out sooner."

"Oh." I said in disappointment, "And you don't think my dad will be back?"

Tobirama didn't look very happy to be giving me bad news. He actually looked worried, like he was afraid giving me bad news might hurt me physically somehow. But I guess that wasn't a huge surprise; in the past it was always him who found me when I would have serious issues breathing, so I assumed he might just be used to being more careful with me than with other people.

I didn't normally like that, but I adored my cousins and I liked being reminded that they cared.

"Sorry." He apologized, "I'll be able to stay for a little while though."

He sounded unsure about it, like he knew he couldn't provide much comfort. I did managed to crack a smile though, feeling better in the slightest.

"That will help." I assured him, grabbing his hand. "I want to go talk to your brother."

Tobirama nodded, ready to follow and looking almost eager to get us to leave. I looked back to the pond to say goodbye to Takara, only to frown seeing that she had already disappeared. Tōka looked around in similar confusion, obviously having not noticed her leave either.

Hmm. Well, wasn't that odd.

"She's gone," Tobirama sensed, "Come on."

He urged us along despite our confusion, which we eventually let go in favor of seeing Hashirama before our family threw him onto the battlefield. I tried to ignore the apprehension that refused to let go of its death grip on me; holding onto Tobirama fortunately managed to mitigate a good amount of it.

.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, apologizing for several things here. First of all would be for the stupid long wait for this chapter, and second of all for the fact that this is just a really short uneventful filler and nothing really happened...big things are going to happen soon though so a filler was necessary. You know.

Anyway. The next chapter will be out faster than this one came out. I left an explanation for that on my profile so if ya wanted to know what the deal was, it's there. Promise to be back soon! Thanks to everyone who reviewed and is still sticking with me. :-)


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